The other day I saw one of those “What Would Jesus Do?” stickers.
And I thought... yeah, what would Jesus do?
I figured Jesus would throw a tea kettle at a guy, kick a bird cage open, grab the two guns and shoot the shit out of the teahouse. Then, he an Judas would sneak into the hospital, work their way down to the morgue get all the guns hidden down there, blow the doors open and shoot every last gangster in the place until the whole joint explodes and Jesus has to jump out while holding a baby before shooting Satan through the eye.
And then Fancy told me that I was confusing Jesus with Tequila (as played by Chow Yun Fat) and that I was thinking of the 1992 Hong Kong Heroic Bloodshed movie Hard Boiled and not the Bible as I had originally suspected. She also claims that Noah was that guy who gathered the animals two by two instead of the guy who Killed Odd-Job with an electric shock delivered through the hat. She did confirm that Moses was the guy that said “Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty apes!” though. So I’m not totally lost on theology.
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