Men!
Um, guys? VD is Saturday. You might want to do something about that or you’re liable to face a lot of resentment if your girl is into it and you forget. I know, she doesn’t say anything about it, I’ve already had a word with the women about that. I know, it’s a stupid holiday made up by chocolate companies to enforce the idiotic notion of pair off two-by-two and making anyone single feel like they’re a failure at life. I know, I understand. Whatever feelings you have to these stupid holidays and moronic ritual is dwarfed by my own thoughts and ideas on the subject.
HOWEVER! If you don’t do something for the holiday and you get a pissed off girlfriend/wife/mistress then you’ve only got yourself to blame.
NO!
Do no go telling me “Well she should know I love her and how I feel.” because clearly she don’t. She ain’t gonna unless you tell her, you dumb shit. When was the last time you told her? You tell her everyday? You do little things to remind her? No? Then she just feels unappreciated and unloved and you are just another insensitiveasshole who is going to get dumped/talk about to her friends. How many times have I heard “Why can’t that insensitiveasshole stop being an insensitiveasshole for five minutes? Why can’t he show me? Why doesn’t he know how important it is? It’s like he doesn’t even care!” in my life? Well, enough times I can quote it, so quite a few.
They’re women, they’re like insecure cats. You’ve got to pet them and stroke them and remind them you love them every 45 seconds or they start to feel like you don’t care anymore. You’ve also got to give them cat nip and dangle bits of string in front of them and rub their bellies and not mind when they take over 95% of the bed leaving you with 19 inches of space right up against the edge of the mattress. It’s not this one day, this one day just punctuates the constant insensitiveassholeness that represents your daily life. You’ve spent a lot of time taking things for granted and it’s nice to remind her that you know you would curl up and die without her. Also, while I’m on the subject, put the fucking toilet seat down. It’s disgusting. We’re not in high school anymore. And put your clothes in the damn hamper instead of just leaving them on the floor. Seriously.
Ask your girl if the day is important to her, make sure that it matters. Don’t just tell yourself you know if it’s important or not, because chances are you don’t. You remember your anniversary? Let me rephrase that, you remember what happened when you FORGOT your anniversary? Yeah, that’ll likely happen again. Tell her you love her, buy her some chocolates, do something to remind her you still appreciate the fact that she puts up with your dumb ass.
Either that or tell her flat out that you reject the holiday as a meaningless ritual and that you’re not some damned automaton who needs input A from some damn chocolate company to perform task B towards your loved one. That’s a bit harder though, because it requires you to tell her all the time and not forget to put the toilet seat down and make dinner and do your own laundry and… look, just buy the fucking chocolate okay? The economy needs the stimulus.
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