Not happy today

I hate the world and Ann Arbor.
The next time someone tells me how they love Ann Arbor, and what an awesome town it is, I think I'm going to have to knock all their teeth out. Then I'll choke them to death on their own fingers, a task made all the easier by getting those pesky teeth out of the way, and end by wearing their esophagus as a necktie.

That might be too harsh though. I mean there's nothing wrong with Ann Arbor that couldn't be solved by 6 months of heavy, indiscriminate aerial bombing. Get some surplus WWII blockbusters and just let ten or twelve squadrons drop entire loads of those over the town five times a day for half a year, that’d probably solve most my problems with the place. Or possibly one good solid nuke, something that would just leave a sheet of glass to mark the spot. It is the sort of place that brings to mind the phrase “Take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”

Also, when I'm wearing a face that in the natural world would come in bright red with black stripes... don't fucking touch me. If not for the ludicrously pinko laws we have in this god forsaken nation, I would have ripped her face off right there and worn it as a hat. I have been developing a serious aversion to being touched by anyone not on my intimate list lately and this fucking woman just walked up, and started talking to me and touching me when I was wearing my “I will kill you! I will kill you and eat you unless I can think of something worse to do” face. I can't stress enough how much I don't want to be touched lately, and yet people keep touching me. This isn’t just rude, it’s stupid. I’m not nice. Or understanding. I bite… hard.

I think I’m just going to start stabbing people. That would also be a step towards creating proper etiquette in the world, as I would have killed all the fucktards who don’t understand it’s rude to just walk up to someone and grab hold of them. Think of it as social evolution, or natural selection, or just me stabbing motherfuckers what clearly have grown tired of this mortal coil but fear the social stigma of suicide.

And if I have to add that my headache is a thousand times worse, then you haven't been paying attention and should just strip ten points from your score.

However, Holly got a great big dictionary, so she was happy before this whole Ann Arbor debacle started.