So, if you read here, but don’t read facebook or twitter, you might be wondering what I thought of the first three episodes of Game of Thrones.
Okay, here is a run down.
#1. The makers of this show really, REALLY hate women. They’re not to fond of men either, but they despise the female in all forms. Weak, stupid, vapid, shallow, whore… these are the words used to describe their female characters. The closest thing to a likable female is like 8, and as such is not a person. All the women are either trouble making whores, or holes for men to stick their dicks in. I found the treatment of women wholly distasteful and I’m going to have to watch Hell's Bloody Devils to get the taste out of my mouth. You fucking think about that for a minute.
#2. It’s like a fantasy based Film Noir, only without likeable characters or an interesting hook. It’s like a Ren Fest, gone dark and gritty. The Bastard (the love child of Orlando Bloom and Keanu Reeves) is like Phil Marlowe. He doesn’t belong, he works along side legit people, but he himself can’t be legit, he’s got some sense of pride and honor… I can keep going. You got femme fatales all over the place, or in contrast to that, the stalwart and stupid girls. A corrupt system, a guy who’s outdated sense of honor doesn’t fit the new system, a smart guy who works around the edges, a spoiled rich kid who wants to cause trouble, a crime lord, the dwarf… everyone is there in one form or another. It’s just not interesting and I don’t care about any of the characters. They forgot that I need at least one person to compel me to keep watching.
#3. On that, I don’t know a single character’s name. They are “The Dwarf” and “Ace Rimmer” or “Eowyn Jr” and “Orlando Reeves” instead of whatever names they’re supposed to have. This is how little they’ve impacted me. The actors are between bad and teeth grittingly terrible. Princess Bad Wig is probably going to be an important part, with an interesting story arc, but I don’t care because instead of hiring an actress, they hired a stupid little girl, so desperate for fame she’d go full naked and get faux-raped on HBO for the first episode.
#4. HBO is so interested in making it shocking and gritty, they forgot to give us anyone to actually root for. HBO is trying to hard to be outrageous, they just come off like a fourteen year old shouting “FUCK” because no one is going to yell at them this one time. Everything they’re doing is for shock value, and that’s dull. They also forgot to tell a story, they’re just laying on more and more horribleness to show how horrible the middle ages where, despite the fact that they weren’t. Do some fucking research, don’t just tell me those were awful terrible times. Don’t present me this grubby Ren Fest view with no accuracy or intelligence. They just assume horribleness and go with it from there. A lot of thought hasn’t gone into this script, it’s just laying on awfulness from people I don’t care about and have refused to know them by name to hate them properly. I can’t tell you how many times I was yelling “That’s not how that works!” at the screen.
#5. On that point, no one has ever just walked around any castle just wearing both their swords. Even in feudal Japan, where that shit was taken as read, people didn’t just carry al their weapons, while wearing their armor, with them from room to room like that. Also, the swords shown seem to have been handed out with the idea that Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings was a good place to start on sword length. People are carrying two handed broadswords on their hips, and incongruously wearing fencing poniards on their other hip. The costumes are all over the place, some people wearing Elizabethan doublets while others are wearing what look like Roman tunics and still others are in actual medieval outfits and some seem to have taken their cues from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. It’s just all over the fucking place. Why they have Celtic knots on the shoulder pieces of their armor is anyone’s guess. It’s such a sloppy mish mash, I would have found it distracting if I wasn’t so distracted by how bad the whole thing was.
We won't even go into how the wedding ceremony in EP 1 is right out of a racists handbook for how savages comport themselves written by some white (probably English) fucker circa 1845.
Sooo, yeah. I found the whole thing to be pretty hateful and shitty overall. I was simultaneously bored and angry. I doubt I’ll watch the rest from here. I gave it three episodes, and I didn’t like it much. I know, I know, I’m supposed to watch the whole thing and only then am I allowed to have an opinion and that opinion had better be that I love it. I know, I know. We’ve been through this with Dr. Who, which also sucks by the way. And yes, I am saying you’re stupid for liking it*. However, I’ve got lots of things I’d like to watch, lots of things vying for my attention, and continuing to watch something I don’t enjoy only makes me hate geeks more than I already do.
Anytime I’m actually shouting at the screen and stomping off isn’t a good sign.
*If you can’t tell this sentence for the satire it is, please smack yourself in the face as hard as you can with a garden weasel.
EDIT: I should point out that I do like Peter Dinklage's Character and he's a good actor.
No comments:
Post a Comment