Rape Culture, as a phrase, is in a really dangerous place right now. See, it’s a really real thing that some people would like to pretend doesn’t exist, so they use any examples to ridicule and dismiss it. Sadly, some people lately are giving fuel to those who would like to destroy the discussion.
It’s in danger of going the way of Privilege, which can no longer be discussed because fuck the people who fucked that discussion up for the rest of us. No, I’m serious, we can no longer discuss privilege because some people decided to use it as a point of attack instead of as a point of understanding and they did it so well, and with no small amount of racist vitriol, that it has destroyed the topic for polite conversation. This post mentions several problems, all be it from a feminist standpoint, but the problems exist everywhere and those claims can just as easily be about race or religion or having your eggs over easy rather than scrambled.
The last time there was a privilege blow-up in my lists, it caused lots of people to no longer be friends because they couldn’t get over their own racism and their need to be a perpetual victim. I saw a middle class black man tell a poor white woman that despite her history of sexual and physical abuse and life long poverty, that she had it way better than him and wouldn’t listen for a moment to her history because she was white and had it better. As a result, I heard that same woman explain that she should have known better than to try to explain anything to a black man, who are the most likely to be rapists and spousal abusers. I had to delete them both from my lists, because after those two comments, things got less polite than they so far had been. If you’re wondering who this is about, I’m not going to tell you, I’m far too disappointed in both of them to even go there. If you’re wondering “Is that me?” probably not, at least not if we’re still friends and I didn’t delete you from my lists.
Now, privilege exists, but any chance to talk about it has been ruined. Too many people used it as an attack, too many people used it only to shut someone up, too many people quite simply used it as a cudgel without ever things about the damage it might cause. Frankly, many people are now openly hostile to anyone who even tries to discuss it, even if it is in a format that doesn’t attack or antagonize. Recently, Syd tried to tell me about an article where someone was saying “Privilege isn’t supposed to be something to make you feel bad, it’s just something to understand.” Or things to that extent. I haven’t read the article, so I don’t really know, because she got to the word “Privilege” and I started “Oh Jesus fucking Christ! Shut up about that bullshit! I am so fucking sick and tired of hearing how I’m the bad guy because I’m a white guy!” And that’s the point, I am tired of this racist bullshit that judges me and my experiences without knowing either me or my history and using nothing but the color of my skin as a guideline. Isn’t the judging of people by their skin tone the thing all us good people have been trying to end?
Pisses me off and I don’t even want to discuss it anymore. The phrase has been that damaged. I know just see red mist when it comes up. People who might have been allies in taking privilege apart, are now so antagonistic towards even thinking about the idea that you’ll have to find a new way to discuss it without using that word. It still exists, and it still needs to be talked about and understood, someone find a way. I don’t know how you do that, but you broke this thing, you fix it.
Rape Culture is going the same way I'm afraid, and that’s just as real a thing as White/Male/Hetro privilege. I’ve talked about it, I'm even on the first Google search page with a rant about a time I recognized how pervasive rape culture is. However, it’s also getting screeched lately. It’s being abused, and everything from Barbie Dolls to Blade Runner are parts of the rape culture. I’m not going to argue that proper arguments cannot be made for those items, but frankly it’s starting to be a go to term for “I don’t like that” rather than places where a genuine lack of remorse or empathy has been displayed.
When we use these terms, we need to make sure we come from a well argued and easy to access place. Arguing that these things pervade every microcosm and are ingrained in every detail of our being just makes people shrug and say “Oh, well, guess there’s nothing we can do about it then.” and striving with a constant sense of victimization and always pointing out how this too is a part of rape culture and this too is part of the male/white privilege problem just makes people think you’re seeing penises in the clouds and they will ignore you utterly.
I beg you, beg all of you, please use these terms responsibly. Don’t use them as cudgels, don’t use them to point to everything in the world, and don’t use them just to try and win an argument. These are important things, and we need to get over them if we can, but we never will if simply bringing up the term causes people to roll their eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment