Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thanksgiving. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Monday, November 25, 2013
A Retail St. Crispin’s Day Speech.
What’s they that wishes more employees? No, my fair Manager; if we are mark’d to work, we are enow to do our store loss; and if to work, the fewer employees, the greater share of honour. God’s will! I pray thee, wish not one employee more. If it be a sin to covet paychecks, we are the most offending souls alive.
No, faith, my manager, wish not one associate from another store. God’s peace! I would not lose so great an honour as one employee more methinks would share from me for the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more! Rather proclaim it, through my host, that they which hath no stomach to this Holiday, let them depart. Their passport shall be made, and cookies for the trip put into their pocket. We would not work in that person’s company that fears their fellowship to work with us.
This day is call’d Black Friday. He that outlives this day, and comes safe home, will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d, and rouse them at the name of Thanksgiving. They that shall live this day, and see old age, will yearly on the vigil feast their neighbours, And say “To-morrow is Black Friday.”Then will they strip their sleeve and show their scars, and say “These wounds I had on Black Friday.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot, but they’ll remember, with advantages, what feats they did that day. This story shall the good man teach his son; and Black Friday shall ne’er go by, From this day to the ending of the world, but we in it shall be remembered! The front-register, the floor runner, the manager and assistant manager. Be in their flowing shopping bags freshly rememb’red.
We few, we happy few, we band of co-workers; for they to-day that sheds their blood with me shall be my co-worker; be they ne’er so vile, this day shall gentle their condition; and gentlemen in regular jobs now-a-bed shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that worked with us upon this Black Friday!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
THANKSGIVING! YAR!
Killed Syd for being a witch.
Went up stairs and enslaved the black guy in 306
Went next door and told the Indian* family I owned their all stuff and killed half of them.
Will soon force the Japanese couple across the hall to do something pointlessly humiliating.
Most of all, I told everyone to be grateful I was here to rule over them.
Thanksgiving is fucking celebrated right in my household!
*From India, not natives to the Americas, but I've only got so much to work with.
Went up stairs and enslaved the black guy in 306
Went next door and told the Indian* family I owned their all stuff and killed half of them.
Will soon force the Japanese couple across the hall to do something pointlessly humiliating.
Most of all, I told everyone to be grateful I was here to rule over them.
Thanksgiving is fucking celebrated right in my household!
*From India, not natives to the Americas, but I've only got so much to work with.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Turkeys are pointless
This post is written by Fancy, the Ruler of the Universe.
Why do people get so wound up about the turkey being killed for us to eat it? You never hear anyone go on about the cow that was last night's steak or the chicken in tomorrow's soup, but good lord ‘n butter(!) they are so sad that a turkey died. This, despite the fact that a turkey is, without a doubt, the stupidest and most pointless bird I have ever had to deal with. These are not smart, nor noble, or particularly handsome creatures.
The turkeys you eat can't even mate on their own, they need help for that. The breast is so large on a modern turkey, that the male literally can't mount the female. So because you like white meat, we have to train people to jerk off a turkey and stick a… well, a turkey baster up another turkey, just to get more turkeys. Does that sound like an animal that could survive on its own, or does it sound like something that needs killin’?
Also, different subject, where the hell is the boy? He's been gone for hours and these dead ninjas are starting to smell.
Why do people get so wound up about the turkey being killed for us to eat it? You never hear anyone go on about the cow that was last night's steak or the chicken in tomorrow's soup, but good lord ‘n butter(!) they are so sad that a turkey died. This, despite the fact that a turkey is, without a doubt, the stupidest and most pointless bird I have ever had to deal with. These are not smart, nor noble, or particularly handsome creatures.
The turkeys you eat can't even mate on their own, they need help for that. The breast is so large on a modern turkey, that the male literally can't mount the female. So because you like white meat, we have to train people to jerk off a turkey and stick a… well, a turkey baster up another turkey, just to get more turkeys. Does that sound like an animal that could survive on its own, or does it sound like something that needs killin’?
Also, different subject, where the hell is the boy? He's been gone for hours and these dead ninjas are starting to smell.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
TV Review: Beverly Hillbillies Thanksgiving (Pain Box)
The Beverly Hillbillies: Turkey Day (1963 CBS Dir. Richard Whorf)
The Beverly Hillbillies is to the south what a Minstrel show is to blacks. It’s nasty, ugly, and carries a lot of very jokes that just aren’t funny. This episode is in black and white, and it’s hard to think of a time when this was on in prime time, instead of weekday afternoons. Actually, in this day and age it’s hard to imagine this hateful crap was on screen at all. There can be no mystery as to why so many people in America think people from the south are stupid when watching this.
A chill just ran down Jack Haley's spine.
So anyway, this episode starts with Granny singing a song, accompanied by an unseen band. Don’t know where the band comes from, but there it is. She’s getting ready to cook a turkey that was given to them by the Drysdales. When she goes out to check the turkey, she finds that the turkey has vanished, probably stolen by… um… the girl. What’s her name? Elly Sue? Elly May? Wait a second, they called her Elly. It seems she doesn’t want them to whack the bird. A lot of the jokes surround the fact that the Clampetts are a bunch of stupid, red neck hicks. It’s not even that they’re simple or don’t understand our modern urban ways, they are shown to be just plain stupid. How was this a popular show? The word “vittles” seems to be a punch line here. Why is vittles a punch line? Why are they still wearing rope belts and check shirts? Don’t they have like, billions of dollars? Why buy a huge mansion in Beverly Hills and then continue to dress in a tattered jacket and battered hat? If they were so in love with simplicity, why didn’t they stay back home? It’s a stupidity that confounds me.
I don't know what it is, but if it were alive, I'd try to have sex with it.
A long period is taken up by these guys thinking a billiard table is a dinner table. Not only that, they think a rhino is called a billiard and that the table is designed for eating them. I am really left looking at the screen and shouting “WHAT?” at the top of my lungs. How could none of them ever seen a billiards table before? They didn’t come from Saturn, they came from the Ozarks! I’ve BEEN to the Ozarks, they HAVE billiard tables out there and these guys should know what they are. It’s like the writers think that everyone from any part of the rural areas is an alien masquerading as a pretentious moron who knows nothing of our human ways. I keep expecting to see one of them get their faces scratched and revel the lizard skin under the mask like in V. That would be the proper V from ’83, not the new one that sucks.
*Running gag alert!* See, I was thinking since it was alive, I could have sex with it!
Then there is some more gibberish about the bird that Elly doesn’t want to kill. Evidently she taught him to shake hands, which she gets him to do a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. A tedious number of times really. When Jed, that’s his name right? When Jed comes to kill the bird, he sort of feels sorry for it and decides to get a “billiard” instead. He has come to the conclusion that they are easy to find in the city of Beverly Hills. You know what? They also have picture books in the Ozarks, they should know what a rhino is. Are they completely incurious? They had a rhino in their house and never once asked what that thing on the wall is? Anyway, Granny balks at the idea of cooking that huge beast and gets Jethro to “clean and dress” the bird. This leads to a HIGH-larious instance of Jethro bringing in a bird with clothes on. How stupid is he? Someone would have explained the “clean and dress” thing to him at some point! Magical, how the hell did this crap ever get on TV?
Even a turkey should have some dignity! Take off the stupid sailor’s cap.
The racism then make an appearance and ramps right up with a pair of “Indians” hanging out with the Drysdales. They’re supposed to take a photo for the newspapers, with these guys playing as the “Indians” and the Drysdales are supposed to be the pilgrims. Because white people are stupid, she thinks these guys are real Native Americans or something. She actually starts talking to them with “Me whiteface daughter of pilgrim. Me heap grateful to you.” and I guess it’s only a few minutes before guys with black shoe polish on his face shows up and demands some watey-mellon. We’ve now had every other stereotype. The “Indians” however, are fake (hence the quotes) and are just guys who tell her she’s a dork and that they come from central casting instead of being actual Native Americans. They refuse to play along with her stupid “Me paleface squaw, me get you drink” routine. They keep trying to convince her that they’re not even Indians, but she won’t even listen. I guess that if someone came up to her dressed like Hamlet she’d bow and speak in pidgin iambic pentameter at him. Just because they show up in costume she behaves like they MUST be “Indians” who talk in that “Ugh” way they do in bad movies. Is Mrs. Drysdale supposed to be completely stupid? Maybe everyone is just supposed to be massively stupid, instead of just the Clampetts.
Yeah, they can't believe it either.
None of the family wants to kill the turkey for Granny. Instead of killing it herself she demands everyone else do it. Jed and Jethro take the turkey away, and Elly goes next door to pick of nuts or something. She finds the “Indians” tussling with Mr. Drysdale, because he was trying to run off and they wouldn’t get paid if he did. So they grab him while Mrs. Drysdale goes to check on something, just long enough for Elly to see them and misunderstand. See, you must remember these are closed head injury sufferers. So they see someone dressed as an “Indian” and they assume it’s a real Native American. They would also imagine if they saw someone dressed as Robin Hood that either time travel had been invented or that Beverly Hills is the new Sherwood Forest.
Jed meets someone of a similar intellect.
So Elly decides “Them injuns is attacking” and granny declares “The injuns always attack when the men folk is gone” and they run off. Because, you know, that happens all the time in Beverly Hills. Hell, it never happens in the Ozarks, it never happens ANYWHERE! How fucking stupid are these fucking people? How do they avoid swallowing their tongues when lost in thought? The “Indians” decide to get the turkey, which was meant to be a prop for a photo, and the girls attack! Then the racist comments about Indians increases, claims they steal hair compound on everything else. They even claim “they tried to scalp us, but we jumped ‘em first!” when all the guys did was walk across the lawn. They then threaten the men with shot guns and Jethro asks if he can play “Squeal like a pig” with them. Then there is a Jewish gag, which almost no one would get now.
Hey there! You're still alive, and we'd like to have sex with you.
Then it all works out in the end, they have gefilte fish that one of the actors (one of the guy who played the “Indians” you remember) brought from home. Everyone sits at the same table, even though Granny tired to kill these guys five minutes ago. I guess if you have money, attempted murder is easily forgiven. Syd claims this is a paragon of cultural sensitivity. I’m waiting for a joke about rape being awesome and lynching being the best way to deal with people darker than an Italian. No wonder so many of our older relatives are as casual about their racism as I am the word “motherfucker” if this is the kind of crap they watched. This is just about the worst thing I’ve seen in some time. There were so many flat jokes, so many points where I was shouting “Where is the joke?” and sop many points where is was clear the joke was racism that I kind of feel like setting fire to everyone who ever laughed at this show.
Are you fucking kidding me? This is supposed to be a joke?
If you wish to view this reprehensible garbage though, allow me to furnish you with an embedded video!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Top 40 Movies by odd connections (Part Four)
PART ONE!
PART TWO!!
PART THREE!!!
AND I'LL FORMTHE HEAD PART FOUR!!!!
So last time we were talking about Mifune walking away…
Just keep walking, don't let them know they've fazed you.
High Noon
Will walks through the whole of High Noon, walking around from place to place. The movie is about how crappy the Red Scare McCarthy crap was and those jerks who were all about selling their friends out to those Un-American cockbites in the past. At least, that's what it amounts to. Something there for us, even today. Particularly if you don't live in "Real" America. There is also a subplot involving his wife and his former girlfriend. They even have scene together.
Trying to come up with a joke that isn't some sort of dirty three-way invitation, but that's all I've got right now.
Wives and girlfriends, of course I’m heading for…
You kn ow that day when caption jokes just won't come? Today is that day. Maybe I'll be better before I post this. If you're reading this, then I never did.
Highlander
There is a bit of wives and girlfriends stuff in Highlander as well. Connor is regularly encouraged to leave all the hotties he knows, but refuses. I think he knew that Sean Connery just wanted the babes for himself. Also, there are flashbacks, lots of flashbacks. Flashbacks are a primary storytelling device in this film.
Should I insert a penitration joke? Heh, insert. Get it?
Flashbacks!
No, really. Why do I have to be pink?
Reservoir Dogs
Now there are a good deal of flashbacks in Reservoir Dogs, which is mainly about a hold up. I probably need to say more about the movie, but I’m really sort of running dry here. Hell with it, blah, blah, blah, filler, filler, filler, that’s when I noticed the DNA evidence had been tampered with.
This moment brought to you by Lucky Strikes. Remember LSMFT!
Hold up!
Harry Tuttle falls on hard times (Obscure reference for the win!)
Heat
There is a hold up in Heat. There are two actually, but one leads to a massive shoot out, which was a pretty big deal at the time and still is sort of landmark. It was a bigger deal then I think, because it’s been copied a few times now. Everyone remembers the big shoot out in downtown LA. What you may not remember is that the driver for the hold up in a guy working as a short order cook in a work release program.
In a powerful moment, Bobby DeNiro complains about his eggs being over-cooked.
Cooks on parole naturally leads us to…
The greatest egg cooking moment ever captured on film.
Maximum Overdrive
There is a cook on parole in Heat, which is JUST LIKE MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE! The same situation, only instead of being a driver, he hates the cars. My review of this movie was pretty much definitive, so I won’t rehash it here, I’ll just try to remember to link to it. They also escape the madness on a boat at the end of the movie.
Yeah, mostly we just sit in front of it at the marina.
Where do people escape on boats?
Yeah, I know you can barely tell what movie this is. I don't care. You get 80 screen caps in one day and see how you feel about picking just the right shot after a while.
Hard Boiled
Now how many of you remember that at the end of Hard Boiled, Tony Leung’s character leaves Hon Kong on a boat, escaping the situation. This being probably the magna opus of the Gun Opera genre, I sort of had to slip it in somewhere. There is also a big fight in the middle where the bad guys ambush the other bad guys while riding motorcycles.
Both hands on the bars guys! If you fall down and hurt someone I will have no sympathy.
And who else rides motorcycles?
Wacky idea. How about I change my name to an unpronounceable glyph and stop making good music for 10 years or so?
Purple Rain
Why Prince rides a motorcycle of course. In his Musician makes good movie Purple Rain. I could say more, but I think you get the idea. Either you’ve seen this, or you don’t want to. I could try to explain why I like it, but I think it would be futile in this format.
Rocking out and cocking out.
Where else does a musician make good? Need you even ask?
POWER CORD!
Sadko
Sadko is another musician makes good tale of course. We all love this movie, let’s not pretend otherwise. It’s a great film and we’ll just leave it at that. The other point being that he gets help from his friends in the undersea world to get a golden fish.
Someday I may get tired of this pic, but I doubt it.
People need a little help from their friends…
How the Peanuts Thanksgiving seating should have gone.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Another movie were friends help out is The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Now Pooh’s main motivation is of course honey. Everything he does it for the food. Which leads us too our final film. Now, sometimes I’ve made jokes and I’ve stretched, but this time it isn’t. I can lead perfectly naturally from one to the next.
Time to admit you have a problem.
Food as motivating factor?
DAMN RIGHT!
Seven Samurai
My actual number one movie. The samurai are not paid in this movie in anything other than honor and rice. The only thing the farmers can offer is a bowl of food per day while they themselves eat millet seed. It makes Kambei’s acceptance of their request that much more poignant, when he holds up the bowl and tells them he won’t let it go to waste.
Look at it. LOOK DAMN YOU!
And who do they defend the village against? Bandits. Just like Jackie Chan did all the way back in Project A.
Baddies are bad.
See? It all comes back to the beginning.
Now as I’ve said, these are my absolute favorite Top 40 movies. In actuality, they’re part of my Top 100 that I could link to each other in this chain to fit the format. Maybe sometime I’ll post the actual 100 list in order, but not today.
PART TWO!!
PART THREE!!!
AND I'LL FORM
So last time we were talking about Mifune walking away…
Just keep walking, don't let them know they've fazed you.
High Noon
Will walks through the whole of High Noon, walking around from place to place. The movie is about how crappy the Red Scare McCarthy crap was and those jerks who were all about selling their friends out to those Un-American cockbites in the past. At least, that's what it amounts to. Something there for us, even today. Particularly if you don't live in "Real" America. There is also a subplot involving his wife and his former girlfriend. They even have scene together.
Trying to come up with a joke that isn't some sort of dirty three-way invitation, but that's all I've got right now.
Wives and girlfriends, of course I’m heading for…
You kn ow that day when caption jokes just won't come? Today is that day. Maybe I'll be better before I post this. If you're reading this, then I never did.
Highlander
There is a bit of wives and girlfriends stuff in Highlander as well. Connor is regularly encouraged to leave all the hotties he knows, but refuses. I think he knew that Sean Connery just wanted the babes for himself. Also, there are flashbacks, lots of flashbacks. Flashbacks are a primary storytelling device in this film.
Should I insert a penitration joke? Heh, insert. Get it?
Flashbacks!
No, really. Why do I have to be pink?
Reservoir Dogs
Now there are a good deal of flashbacks in Reservoir Dogs, which is mainly about a hold up. I probably need to say more about the movie, but I’m really sort of running dry here. Hell with it, blah, blah, blah, filler, filler, filler, that’s when I noticed the DNA evidence had been tampered with.
This moment brought to you by Lucky Strikes. Remember LSMFT!
Hold up!
Harry Tuttle falls on hard times (Obscure reference for the win!)
Heat
There is a hold up in Heat. There are two actually, but one leads to a massive shoot out, which was a pretty big deal at the time and still is sort of landmark. It was a bigger deal then I think, because it’s been copied a few times now. Everyone remembers the big shoot out in downtown LA. What you may not remember is that the driver for the hold up in a guy working as a short order cook in a work release program.
In a powerful moment, Bobby DeNiro complains about his eggs being over-cooked.
Cooks on parole naturally leads us to…
The greatest egg cooking moment ever captured on film.
Maximum Overdrive
There is a cook on parole in Heat, which is JUST LIKE MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE! The same situation, only instead of being a driver, he hates the cars. My review of this movie was pretty much definitive, so I won’t rehash it here, I’ll just try to remember to link to it. They also escape the madness on a boat at the end of the movie.
Yeah, mostly we just sit in front of it at the marina.
Where do people escape on boats?
Yeah, I know you can barely tell what movie this is. I don't care. You get 80 screen caps in one day and see how you feel about picking just the right shot after a while.
Hard Boiled
Now how many of you remember that at the end of Hard Boiled, Tony Leung’s character leaves Hon Kong on a boat, escaping the situation. This being probably the magna opus of the Gun Opera genre, I sort of had to slip it in somewhere. There is also a big fight in the middle where the bad guys ambush the other bad guys while riding motorcycles.
Both hands on the bars guys! If you fall down and hurt someone I will have no sympathy.
And who else rides motorcycles?
Wacky idea. How about I change my name to an unpronounceable glyph and stop making good music for 10 years or so?
Purple Rain
Why Prince rides a motorcycle of course. In his Musician makes good movie Purple Rain. I could say more, but I think you get the idea. Either you’ve seen this, or you don’t want to. I could try to explain why I like it, but I think it would be futile in this format.
Rocking out and cocking out.
Where else does a musician make good? Need you even ask?
POWER CORD!
Sadko
Sadko is another musician makes good tale of course. We all love this movie, let’s not pretend otherwise. It’s a great film and we’ll just leave it at that. The other point being that he gets help from his friends in the undersea world to get a golden fish.
Someday I may get tired of this pic, but I doubt it.
People need a little help from their friends…
How the Peanuts Thanksgiving seating should have gone.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
Another movie were friends help out is The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Now Pooh’s main motivation is of course honey. Everything he does it for the food. Which leads us too our final film. Now, sometimes I’ve made jokes and I’ve stretched, but this time it isn’t. I can lead perfectly naturally from one to the next.
Time to admit you have a problem.
Food as motivating factor?
DAMN RIGHT!
Seven Samurai
My actual number one movie. The samurai are not paid in this movie in anything other than honor and rice. The only thing the farmers can offer is a bowl of food per day while they themselves eat millet seed. It makes Kambei’s acceptance of their request that much more poignant, when he holds up the bowl and tells them he won’t let it go to waste.
Look at it. LOOK DAMN YOU!
And who do they defend the village against? Bandits. Just like Jackie Chan did all the way back in Project A.
Baddies are bad.
See? It all comes back to the beginning.
Now as I’ve said, these are my absolute favorite Top 40 movies. In actuality, they’re part of my Top 100 that I could link to each other in this chain to fit the format. Maybe sometime I’ll post the actual 100 list in order, but not today.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Cartoon Review: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
HERE! As a bonus, listen to one of the best cartoon theme songs ever recorded while you read.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973 Dir. Bill Melendez)
From his dopey, drugged out look I have to suggest he was watching "I love the 80s" on VH1
When this review was first written, this was the only other Thanksgiving special I could find in my collection. Someone told me that there are some more, but I'd have to watch TV shows I hate to find them so never mind. Using the two I've seen, I will now make sweeping generalizations about any and all Thanksgiving specials. They are heavily padded to make up for short scripts, they involve lots of costume changes, grandmothers not being up to the normal ideal of granmotherlyness, they all have jazz soundtracks, alternate menus for thanksgiving feature heavily as do the difficulties in food preparation and Drew Barrymore was hot in the 90s. That's not actually part of the show, but this picture just popped up as my wallpaper and it sort of stopped me for a moment. Nothing serious but it did give me a second of "Whoa, she was hot there" and I thought I would share that moment with you. After looking her up out of curiosity, she still looks really good actually. Enough of this tangent though! Let's start the cartoon, shall we?
You can just smell the sexual tension can't you?
The cartoon starts with another episode of Lucy tricks Charlie Brown into trying to kick the football again. This is Lucy's only scene in the entire special and while she entertains, it's too little meat for her. She knows it and it drives her to commit darker evils on Charlie than she has in the past. Not only does she yank the football away, she teases him with his stupidity for falling for the same trick again. Sadly, he deserves it for failing at simple pattern recognition. This then leads us into the opening credits which are amazingly short. We do get to hear my favorite of Vince Guaraldi's songs for the peanuts gang "Thanksgiving Theme" which you can buy at Amazon on the Charlie Brown's Holiday Hits Album. You could probably download it as an MP3 or something. Say what you might about the Peanuts Specials, the music was always kickin'! It's greatly because of Vince Guaraldi's tunes being on these shows like I got into jazz in the first place. All the music in this show is excellent, even if other bits are lacking.
The nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh was built in measureless aeons behind history by the vast, loathsome shapes that seeped down from the dark stars. There lay great Cthulhu and his hordes, hidden in green slimy vaults.
The show starts with Charlie and his sister Sally discussing Thanksgiving, and you'd think that this is the worst thing to ever happen to them. Sally complains that all the stores have things for Christmas, to which Charlie Brown exclaims "Christmas? Already?" leaving me to wonder what world he lives in. If it's thanksgiving before you're seeing the stores stuffed with green and red, then the stores have been remarkably patient with their decorations. Even in 1973 when this was made. Then Sally goes off about how she's got nothing to be thankful for because the world is just unfair to her. Linus shows up to give his normal condescending attitude a walk around the block, but not before Charlie complains "We've got another holiday to worry about." as if everything would be great if he could just get rid of those pesky holidays. Sally interjects her usual wisdom by shouting "I haven't even finished my Halloween candy yet!" and now I know this show doesn't take place on Earth. Linus says blah, blah, blah, tells a lie about thanksgiving and acts like his crap don't stink.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.
After getting all that garbage out of the way, the plot finally kicks in! Peppermint Patty calls, explains her dad is out of town and invites herself over to have Thanksgiving. Chuck can't get a word in to tell her that they won't be home, so he expects her to arrive. A minute or so later he gets another call. It's PP again telling him that now Marcy is coming, and then another call a moment later there's another call saying that Franklin is coming over too. In a great stride for civil rights, Franklin is given exactly two lines in the whole production. I’m always bothered by this. Franklin is treated very badly in this cartoon. Why does the single black character have to be so maligned? Franklin gets no love.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Linus walks up, because… he works in the same house as Charlie Brown? I have no idea. Kids just walk on and off as needed in these specials and it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I always have problems with the way people just show up at random in the cartoon. The other characters were occupying themselves in ways that would say to me that they weren't the focus of the guests. That says to me that there was something intimate and private going on that they weren't part of. If Linus was over, why was Charlie Brown watching TV by himself a moment ago? Was Linus getting it on with Sally (who came out to check on her brother a second ago) but came to see what was bothering his friend because Sally's just a chick and thus less important? Did he… you know, finish before he left? He sure wasn't worried about her orgasm, but did he get his? Is it maybe that despite the way the kids are drawn these are actually college kids and instead of houses these are dorms? That would explain everyone just showing up randomly because it's dorm life. It would also explain Sally putting up with Linus not worrying about whether or not she came since she's just now exploring her sexuality and is still crushing on him so hard that she's just happy to have him. You people just watch shows, but I have to THINK about them. Seriously, you have no idea what it's like living inside my head. It's scary in here, and I don't even have a teddy bear.
There is no such thing as joy, happiness does not exist.
So where was I before I suggested that Linus was banging Sally Brown but was totally unconcerned with her orgasms? Oh right, Linus was about to be annoyingly condescending again! Linus suggests that Charlie Brown have two meals, instead of calling Peppermint Patty back and lowering the boom on her or anything. Poor Charlie Brown admits that the only thing he can make is cold cereal and toast. You can see he's in pain, he needs support. He needs love. What he gets is Linus telling him that he's seen Chuck make toast and that he can't butter it on his own. He says he can help and tells Snoopy to get the stuff together. When he turns away, Charlie gets a look of mingled hatred and resentment on his face that can't be matched. As soon as Linus looks back at him, he's back to smiling. Charlie Brown is too much of a looser to let the guy who's putting it to his sister know that he'd kill him in his sleep for a nickel.
This is the look of sad, impotent rage.
Now, we reach an epic amount of padding. Snoopy is padding gold. All they had to do was write a few lines and let him go crazy. Nothing he does makes much sense, but that really doesn't matter. He's supposed to be getting a table and chairs out for the meal. I have no idea where the Peanuts gang is supposed to be located, but it sure as hell ain't Michigan! You couldn't have a thanksgiving meal outside in Michigan, they must be in the south somewhere. Snoopy gets the table out and it's a ping pong table, so he plays with the table for a few seconds (after shooting some hoops) and gets scolded by Linus for messing around Linus says "We don't have any time to play Snoopy!" and yet I can't help but notice that Linus is no where to be seen when the work is being done. Snoopy is the only one doing anything at all. He has to get all these folding chairs out and set them up on his own, including a lawn chair that he can't seem to manage and eventually gets into a peyote fueled kung fu match with. I've got to point out, while this is going on a great song called "Little Birdie" is played. It's about Woodstock and Snoopy. After Snoopy gets the table all set up, Linus comes in and demands he cook the food for them too.
Where did they get to many toasters? Ebay!
Not only is the cooking scene padded all to hell, but it uses repetitive animation too! Some of the bits show three and four times. The exact same piece of animation over and over. Snoopy makes a grand meal, which has been covered in great articles on the internet! He sets the table, which has seating for 12 when he sets it. It also doesn't have that lawn chair I mentioned him kung-fu fighting with. This will be important because clearly when they noticed Franklin had shown up, they changed the seating arrangements. More padding then happens with a costume trunk and Snoopy trying to get Woodstock to dress up like what pop culture would have us believe an American pilgrim looked like. It does nothing for the story because they'll be dressed like this for a total of 65 seconds. Then you never see those costumes again.
OMIGOSH! Snoopy is going to whack Woodstock for talking to the feds!
When the guests arrive, they come to a table that has seating for 12, but strangely, when they actually get seated the only chair left for Franklin is the broken lawn chair. Not only that, but this poor guy who had one line ten minutes ago, is forced to sit alone on one side of the table. I think that this must have been in the old south, because they've clearly put poor Franklin in the Coloreds Section. Even Snoopy gets to sit in the Whites Only section, but poor Franklin sits alone. The racism is sickening, as is the continuity. Sometimes he's in the broken chair, with no other chairs on his side of the table and sometimes he's got better chairs on either side of him. However you view it, Franklin is a victim of some pretty disgusting racism here. No actually, I'm not joking. What the hell? Honestly, they couldn't give the black kid more than one damn line? He couldn't sit with the white kids? Are we supposed to feel grateful that he's even allowed to be in the show or something? They'll let him come over for dinner, but he has to sit in the worst chair and remain silent while there. He can only talk when at Peppermint Patty's house. Maybe it's not racism, maybe it's some weird BDSM game that Peppermint Patty has going on. I would like to think that there is an innocent solution, but I doubt it.
Note that Franklin is also placed on the left while all the whites are to the right.
Linus gets on his high horse and rams a stupid prayer down everyone's throat, just trying to prove he's smarter than everyone else. He’s not of course, because he’s foolishly hanging on to the idea that a pack of English bigots were anything to be proud of. Besides, a lot of thanksgiving lore is nothing but bullshit. It’s probably all lies. Then Snoopy serves the meal. Toast, jelly beans, popcorn, pretzel sticks. PP of course looses it and shouts at Snoopy and Charlie Brown for not serving them a proper meal. Chuck leaves the table in disgrace, his head hung low and the thirty-eight in his pocket telling him how nice its barrel would feel in his mouth. Linus uses the opportunity to prove he knows about Miles Standish, no one is impressed. I hate Linus in the cartoons. Someone should run him over with a steamroller like that kid in Maximum Overdrive.
Charlie Brown is forever shamed.
Marcy doesn't dig Patty’s treatment of Chuck and gives Patty a serious come to Jesus style verbal pwning. She grabs Patty's stupid forelock and bashes her head into the table, screaming at her for hurting the guy she loves. I mean c'mon! Marcy is totally crushin' on Chuckles. Marcy leaves the table to go tell Charlie Brown that it's really okay and everyone loves him and takes away the gun so he can't shoot himself or anyone else. He tells her it's no big deal and reminds her how many sleeping pills he has upstairs. He doesn't do it in words, but you can totally hear the words in his head. Marcy then calls Charlie Brown Charles as she leaves him, which sounds formal and post-coital to me. She then greets Patty as Priscilla and now I'm just confused. I mean not really, they can all be one big swinging family as far as I'm concerned I just never thought of Marcy as bisexual is all. So, for the mutual love of Marcy, Patty and Charlie Brown admit their feelings, have a quickie and prepare to go back to the group with their love stronger than ever. And as wacky as all that sounds, it's 10 times better than what was on the screen.
You know what the funniest thing about Europe is? It's the little differences. I mean they got the same stuff over there that they got here, but it's just - it's just there it's a little different.
So Charlie Brown discovers that not only are they late, but by the shape of the clock they got some furnishings from Dr. Caligari's yard sale. Charlie Brown goes to call his grandmother on a phone with a cord that comes out of the dial. He calls Grandma and tells her all about what happened. Grandma says they can all come to her place, at least that's what eventually comes across. All we hear is a muted trumpet playing at him. They then sing over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. This gets really bad because it shows that none of the kids recorded their parts together. As a result, after about three words, none of them are on beat and you can't understand what anyone is saying. They’re supposed to be singing together, but they’re all over the place as far as the song goes. Then we get the joke that “My Grandmother lives in a condominium.” because that's SOOOOO unexpected! Gosh, a grandmother living in a condo! I'll bet she has a motorcycle too! No word about grandma being emotionally dead, going through a quart of scotch a day or despising the day when “the mistake, her husband and their spawn” show up.
Yeah, we've got the clock, someone else got the cabinet before we got there or we'd have a matched set.
The last bit is great though. First off, we hear the whole of the Thanksgiving theme, which is awesome. When the kids leave, Snoopy and Woodstock wave goodbye and go into his dog house. A bit of sound effects later and Woodstock brings out a table and Snoopy brings chairs. He then brings out a roast turkey that he'd been holding back from the kids. Snoop and Woodie eat like kings while they were prepared to serve the kids popcorn and toast. The wishbone is yanked from the bird and Woodstock gets the biggest part. As the credits roll, the two of them share one of the biggest pumpkin pies in history.
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.
This DVD has one of those This Is America, Charlie Brown shows called The Mayflower Voyagers. I'm not going to review that, because it infuriates me. It's too simplified and really works hard not to tell any of the little the inconvenient truths. While they are technically telling the truth, they aren't giving you all the facts and they are totally slanting the story to be pro-pilgrims. It's very annoying to watch because they really just paint the American Pilgrims (who were neither) as noble people who have misery heaped upon them, instead of complete and total bigoted jackasses that the gods were clearly trying to kill. You want to know the honest truth about what happened to the American Indians? I’ll tell you. The Gods were trying to kill those fucking puritans, the Indians got in the way and saved them, and the Gods turned their wrath on the bitches what ruined the plan.
Yeah, I know a lot of guys who try to fight with the furniture when they get drunk.
EDIT: I've posted this four times today, and once a couple of years ago. And yet, I keep forgetting to provide a link to the article about someone recreating Snoopy's meal. I'd always meant to, but never did until now.
Discover Simple, Private Sharing at Drop.io
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973 Dir. Bill Melendez)
From his dopey, drugged out look I have to suggest he was watching "I love the 80s" on VH1
When this review was first written, this was the only other Thanksgiving special I could find in my collection. Someone told me that there are some more, but I'd have to watch TV shows I hate to find them so never mind. Using the two I've seen, I will now make sweeping generalizations about any and all Thanksgiving specials. They are heavily padded to make up for short scripts, they involve lots of costume changes, grandmothers not being up to the normal ideal of granmotherlyness, they all have jazz soundtracks, alternate menus for thanksgiving feature heavily as do the difficulties in food preparation and Drew Barrymore was hot in the 90s. That's not actually part of the show, but this picture just popped up as my wallpaper and it sort of stopped me for a moment. Nothing serious but it did give me a second of "Whoa, she was hot there" and I thought I would share that moment with you. After looking her up out of curiosity, she still looks really good actually. Enough of this tangent though! Let's start the cartoon, shall we?
You can just smell the sexual tension can't you?
The cartoon starts with another episode of Lucy tricks Charlie Brown into trying to kick the football again. This is Lucy's only scene in the entire special and while she entertains, it's too little meat for her. She knows it and it drives her to commit darker evils on Charlie than she has in the past. Not only does she yank the football away, she teases him with his stupidity for falling for the same trick again. Sadly, he deserves it for failing at simple pattern recognition. This then leads us into the opening credits which are amazingly short. We do get to hear my favorite of Vince Guaraldi's songs for the peanuts gang "Thanksgiving Theme" which you can buy at Amazon on the Charlie Brown's Holiday Hits Album. You could probably download it as an MP3 or something. Say what you might about the Peanuts Specials, the music was always kickin'! It's greatly because of Vince Guaraldi's tunes being on these shows like I got into jazz in the first place. All the music in this show is excellent, even if other bits are lacking.
The nightmare corpse-city of R'lyeh was built in measureless aeons behind history by the vast, loathsome shapes that seeped down from the dark stars. There lay great Cthulhu and his hordes, hidden in green slimy vaults.
The show starts with Charlie and his sister Sally discussing Thanksgiving, and you'd think that this is the worst thing to ever happen to them. Sally complains that all the stores have things for Christmas, to which Charlie Brown exclaims "Christmas? Already?" leaving me to wonder what world he lives in. If it's thanksgiving before you're seeing the stores stuffed with green and red, then the stores have been remarkably patient with their decorations. Even in 1973 when this was made. Then Sally goes off about how she's got nothing to be thankful for because the world is just unfair to her. Linus shows up to give his normal condescending attitude a walk around the block, but not before Charlie complains "We've got another holiday to worry about." as if everything would be great if he could just get rid of those pesky holidays. Sally interjects her usual wisdom by shouting "I haven't even finished my Halloween candy yet!" and now I know this show doesn't take place on Earth. Linus says blah, blah, blah, tells a lie about thanksgiving and acts like his crap don't stink.
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.
After getting all that garbage out of the way, the plot finally kicks in! Peppermint Patty calls, explains her dad is out of town and invites herself over to have Thanksgiving. Chuck can't get a word in to tell her that they won't be home, so he expects her to arrive. A minute or so later he gets another call. It's PP again telling him that now Marcy is coming, and then another call a moment later there's another call saying that Franklin is coming over too. In a great stride for civil rights, Franklin is given exactly two lines in the whole production. I’m always bothered by this. Franklin is treated very badly in this cartoon. Why does the single black character have to be so maligned? Franklin gets no love.
I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Linus walks up, because… he works in the same house as Charlie Brown? I have no idea. Kids just walk on and off as needed in these specials and it doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I always have problems with the way people just show up at random in the cartoon. The other characters were occupying themselves in ways that would say to me that they weren't the focus of the guests. That says to me that there was something intimate and private going on that they weren't part of. If Linus was over, why was Charlie Brown watching TV by himself a moment ago? Was Linus getting it on with Sally (who came out to check on her brother a second ago) but came to see what was bothering his friend because Sally's just a chick and thus less important? Did he… you know, finish before he left? He sure wasn't worried about her orgasm, but did he get his? Is it maybe that despite the way the kids are drawn these are actually college kids and instead of houses these are dorms? That would explain everyone just showing up randomly because it's dorm life. It would also explain Sally putting up with Linus not worrying about whether or not she came since she's just now exploring her sexuality and is still crushing on him so hard that she's just happy to have him. You people just watch shows, but I have to THINK about them. Seriously, you have no idea what it's like living inside my head. It's scary in here, and I don't even have a teddy bear.
There is no such thing as joy, happiness does not exist.
So where was I before I suggested that Linus was banging Sally Brown but was totally unconcerned with her orgasms? Oh right, Linus was about to be annoyingly condescending again! Linus suggests that Charlie Brown have two meals, instead of calling Peppermint Patty back and lowering the boom on her or anything. Poor Charlie Brown admits that the only thing he can make is cold cereal and toast. You can see he's in pain, he needs support. He needs love. What he gets is Linus telling him that he's seen Chuck make toast and that he can't butter it on his own. He says he can help and tells Snoopy to get the stuff together. When he turns away, Charlie gets a look of mingled hatred and resentment on his face that can't be matched. As soon as Linus looks back at him, he's back to smiling. Charlie Brown is too much of a looser to let the guy who's putting it to his sister know that he'd kill him in his sleep for a nickel.
This is the look of sad, impotent rage.
Now, we reach an epic amount of padding. Snoopy is padding gold. All they had to do was write a few lines and let him go crazy. Nothing he does makes much sense, but that really doesn't matter. He's supposed to be getting a table and chairs out for the meal. I have no idea where the Peanuts gang is supposed to be located, but it sure as hell ain't Michigan! You couldn't have a thanksgiving meal outside in Michigan, they must be in the south somewhere. Snoopy gets the table out and it's a ping pong table, so he plays with the table for a few seconds (after shooting some hoops) and gets scolded by Linus for messing around Linus says "We don't have any time to play Snoopy!" and yet I can't help but notice that Linus is no where to be seen when the work is being done. Snoopy is the only one doing anything at all. He has to get all these folding chairs out and set them up on his own, including a lawn chair that he can't seem to manage and eventually gets into a peyote fueled kung fu match with. I've got to point out, while this is going on a great song called "Little Birdie" is played. It's about Woodstock and Snoopy. After Snoopy gets the table all set up, Linus comes in and demands he cook the food for them too.
Where did they get to many toasters? Ebay!
Not only is the cooking scene padded all to hell, but it uses repetitive animation too! Some of the bits show three and four times. The exact same piece of animation over and over. Snoopy makes a grand meal, which has been covered in great articles on the internet! He sets the table, which has seating for 12 when he sets it. It also doesn't have that lawn chair I mentioned him kung-fu fighting with. This will be important because clearly when they noticed Franklin had shown up, they changed the seating arrangements. More padding then happens with a costume trunk and Snoopy trying to get Woodstock to dress up like what pop culture would have us believe an American pilgrim looked like. It does nothing for the story because they'll be dressed like this for a total of 65 seconds. Then you never see those costumes again.
OMIGOSH! Snoopy is going to whack Woodstock for talking to the feds!
When the guests arrive, they come to a table that has seating for 12, but strangely, when they actually get seated the only chair left for Franklin is the broken lawn chair. Not only that, but this poor guy who had one line ten minutes ago, is forced to sit alone on one side of the table. I think that this must have been in the old south, because they've clearly put poor Franklin in the Coloreds Section. Even Snoopy gets to sit in the Whites Only section, but poor Franklin sits alone. The racism is sickening, as is the continuity. Sometimes he's in the broken chair, with no other chairs on his side of the table and sometimes he's got better chairs on either side of him. However you view it, Franklin is a victim of some pretty disgusting racism here. No actually, I'm not joking. What the hell? Honestly, they couldn't give the black kid more than one damn line? He couldn't sit with the white kids? Are we supposed to feel grateful that he's even allowed to be in the show or something? They'll let him come over for dinner, but he has to sit in the worst chair and remain silent while there. He can only talk when at Peppermint Patty's house. Maybe it's not racism, maybe it's some weird BDSM game that Peppermint Patty has going on. I would like to think that there is an innocent solution, but I doubt it.
Note that Franklin is also placed on the left while all the whites are to the right.
Linus gets on his high horse and rams a stupid prayer down everyone's throat, just trying to prove he's smarter than everyone else. He’s not of course, because he’s foolishly hanging on to the idea that a pack of English bigots were anything to be proud of. Besides, a lot of thanksgiving lore is nothing but bullshit. It’s probably all lies. Then Snoopy serves the meal. Toast, jelly beans, popcorn, pretzel sticks. PP of course looses it and shouts at Snoopy and Charlie Brown for not serving them a proper meal. Chuck leaves the table in disgrace, his head hung low and the thirty-eight in his pocket telling him how nice its barrel would feel in his mouth. Linus uses the opportunity to prove he knows about Miles Standish, no one is impressed. I hate Linus in the cartoons. Someone should run him over with a steamroller like that kid in Maximum Overdrive.
Charlie Brown is forever shamed.
Marcy doesn't dig Patty’s treatment of Chuck and gives Patty a serious come to Jesus style verbal pwning. She grabs Patty's stupid forelock and bashes her head into the table, screaming at her for hurting the guy she loves. I mean c'mon! Marcy is totally crushin' on Chuckles. Marcy leaves the table to go tell Charlie Brown that it's really okay and everyone loves him and takes away the gun so he can't shoot himself or anyone else. He tells her it's no big deal and reminds her how many sleeping pills he has upstairs. He doesn't do it in words, but you can totally hear the words in his head. Marcy then calls Charlie Brown Charles as she leaves him, which sounds formal and post-coital to me. She then greets Patty as Priscilla and now I'm just confused. I mean not really, they can all be one big swinging family as far as I'm concerned I just never thought of Marcy as bisexual is all. So, for the mutual love of Marcy, Patty and Charlie Brown admit their feelings, have a quickie and prepare to go back to the group with their love stronger than ever. And as wacky as all that sounds, it's 10 times better than what was on the screen.
You know what the funniest thing about Europe is? It's the little differences. I mean they got the same stuff over there that they got here, but it's just - it's just there it's a little different.
So Charlie Brown discovers that not only are they late, but by the shape of the clock they got some furnishings from Dr. Caligari's yard sale. Charlie Brown goes to call his grandmother on a phone with a cord that comes out of the dial. He calls Grandma and tells her all about what happened. Grandma says they can all come to her place, at least that's what eventually comes across. All we hear is a muted trumpet playing at him. They then sing over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. This gets really bad because it shows that none of the kids recorded their parts together. As a result, after about three words, none of them are on beat and you can't understand what anyone is saying. They’re supposed to be singing together, but they’re all over the place as far as the song goes. Then we get the joke that “My Grandmother lives in a condominium.” because that's SOOOOO unexpected! Gosh, a grandmother living in a condo! I'll bet she has a motorcycle too! No word about grandma being emotionally dead, going through a quart of scotch a day or despising the day when “the mistake, her husband and their spawn” show up.
Yeah, we've got the clock, someone else got the cabinet before we got there or we'd have a matched set.
The last bit is great though. First off, we hear the whole of the Thanksgiving theme, which is awesome. When the kids leave, Snoopy and Woodstock wave goodbye and go into his dog house. A bit of sound effects later and Woodstock brings out a table and Snoopy brings chairs. He then brings out a roast turkey that he'd been holding back from the kids. Snoop and Woodie eat like kings while they were prepared to serve the kids popcorn and toast. The wishbone is yanked from the bird and Woodstock gets the biggest part. As the credits roll, the two of them share one of the biggest pumpkin pies in history.
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.
This DVD has one of those This Is America, Charlie Brown shows called The Mayflower Voyagers. I'm not going to review that, because it infuriates me. It's too simplified and really works hard not to tell any of the little the inconvenient truths. While they are technically telling the truth, they aren't giving you all the facts and they are totally slanting the story to be pro-pilgrims. It's very annoying to watch because they really just paint the American Pilgrims (who were neither) as noble people who have misery heaped upon them, instead of complete and total bigoted jackasses that the gods were clearly trying to kill. You want to know the honest truth about what happened to the American Indians? I’ll tell you. The Gods were trying to kill those fucking puritans, the Indians got in the way and saved them, and the Gods turned their wrath on the bitches what ruined the plan.
Yeah, I know a lot of guys who try to fight with the furniture when they get drunk.
EDIT: I've posted this four times today, and once a couple of years ago. And yet, I keep forgetting to provide a link to the article about someone recreating Snoopy's meal. I'd always meant to, but never did until now.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Top 40 Movies by odd connections (Part Three)
Here is Part one of this trip
Then Part Two
AND NOW... PART THREE!!!
This is known as a bad bungee experience
The Departed
The Departed is also full of them, you just have to work harder see it. One of them being the Scarface reference of and X showing up whenever someone is killed. There are a few others, but I’ll let you watch out for them yourself. That’s half the fun anyway. I prefer it when you happen to notice them, instead of having the movie elbow you in the side and as if you saw what they did there. The Departed of course being a movie filled people living double lives.
Does this pic scream "double life" to you? No? Me neither, but I couldn't find anything else I liked.
Speaking of double lives…
Found between two former lovers, Godfrey gets a bit nervous.
My Man Godfrey
In My Man Godfrey, William Powell leads a double life, but I won’t say how. This is probably my favorite screwball comedy I would have placed it higher on the list if not for the need to connect things. If I knew flash, I would just make this a 3D cloud with lines connecting the movies and then make the names bigger or smaller depending on where they sat in the ranking. But I don’t, so I can’t, so I won’t. Anyway, about Godfrey. He’s found in a shantytown placed in a junk yard, where no man has business actually living. We keep going back there to see other men living in a place where a man shouldn’t live.
At least they get new building material delivered on site.
There are other movies of people staying where they shouldn’t…
Dawn of the Dead
Another place where people shouldn’t have to live is in a shopping mall’s upper story like they do in Dawn of the Dead. There is a lot going on in Dawn, a lot of commentary and satire that I found missing from the remake. This version isn’t perfect, but the remake was a hollow shell of stereotypes by comparison. I really, really hated the remake. It was dull and annoying. However, THIS version is probably the best of the Dead series, so that’s something. The point is that instead of running off in a bus that was fitted to be a tank-bus (Really? Honestly?) the remaining heroes in this proper horror movie escape by chopper. Escaping by helicopter is very much the point here.
Again with the improper use of equipment.
Just like…
Quit singing "Suicide is Painless" Bob. It's just not funny.
Platoon
Where Charlie Sheen’s character gets away via chopper at the end of the movie. There is a certain horror element to this movie as well, but the shuddering shambling wrecks in this film are still actually men instead of zombies. I wonder if this movie counts as a “no women” film because while there are women that have lines, none of them are in English to my recollection. While things are bad for women in film, there are only a handful of movies that completely leave women out all together. I think this is one if you count non-English that isn’t translated as not speaking. Charlie Sheen’s character also writes endless letters to his grandmother, giving himself a narration to fill the dark spots of the story. The narration serves as a journal for the listening.
Dear Mom & Dad, camp is a little strange...
Where else do we find journal entries?
Oh I'd totally leave a kid with these guys, wouldn't you?
Kikujiro
In Kikujiro, there is a frame of a photo diary. Masao, shows us what he did on his vacation, but since he lives with his grandmother, it’s very likely he’s showing it to her. The movie is a bit episodic, but it’s not one of those films that you could re-edit into any order. The two main characters slowly grow closer together as we go along until the end. This is a little but of a strange movie, but it works for me and I’m delighted to pair it with the former choice. In the first section of the movie, the two travelers go gambling, betting on bike races.
My money's on the one in blue. I like the color blue. Favorite color.
Gabling as a story device? Who knew you could do such a thing in a movie?
Keep your eye on the ball gentlemen, eye on the ball. Yes, the one you can't see under the cup.
Fearless Hyena
Gambling gets Jackie Chan’s character into some problems in Fearless Hyena. That ultimately leads to the plot of him being a teacher who takes on all challengers, which then leads to the actual plot of revenge and emotional kung-fu. It’s the being a teacher that gets the attention of the bad guys, which leads to them killing his grandfather, which leads to the delicious revenge, which is cold… like gazpacho soup!
"My back is killing me." HA! It's funny cause he archs his back then dies. Get it? Ah, what'd you know about comedy?
Vengeance could take us anywhere, but let’s go to the most obvious place, kay?
Life altering tragedy in 3, 2, 1...
Batman
Batman of course also needs to avenge his dead parents. At least that’s his story. Let’s face it, Batman is a nut and was looking for an excuse. He’s just the ultimate emo basement dweller wearing eyeliner and putting his cutting record on LJ for all the other emo kids to read. And he wears a mask, because you gotta wear a mask to hide your identity and your fear man. Crap this guys is emo! I bet in later movies the daddy issues get really out of hand, he makes his voice all gravely, they action becomes unwatchable and a new highly over-rated Joker stuffs his girlfriend in a refrigerator. Anyway, Masks!
Oh hell, I don't know. Fill in your own caption, I've been looking at this shot for ten minutes and can't come up with anything.
Where else do we have masks?
He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
The Promise
There is a mask that hides identity in The Promise as well. Actually, it does more than that. The wacky misunderstanding of who exactly is behind the mask is a great deal of what drives the movie’s plot. I say plot, but really it’s a lot of scenes stitched together. It’s a fairly funny film, but it doesn’t really work. There is a lot of mythology mixed up in the story. The story is set in motion by characters from mythology showing up and being all wacky at the people. It’s quite and interesting movie, shame it’s really only useable as MST3K material.
Gonna be honest with you kid. I'm higher than you are right now, and you're seeing me. So consider how fucked up I am at this moment.
Mythology gets you into trouble if you don’t respect it.
I did warn you about crossing the streams.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Mythology comes and bites the disrespectful in the butt in Raiders of the Lost Ark as well. The Nazis got quite messed up at the end of that movie. Now, I could go almost anywhere from here, since Raiders has it all. Again, if I were doing a flat out numerical list, this wouldn’t be here. Raiders would be number two and we’d be talking about whips and dragging behind trucks and shooting the guy with the sword and all of that. However, we’re doing this by connection, so we go from the number two movie on my list to the number five entry. And of course, Indy ends up with nothing.
In the Maytag warehouse, that repair guy hides away one of the Maytags that didn't work. The secret must be kept!
Who else ends up with nothing?
He gives them all the gold so they can get away.
Yojimbo
The samurai in Yojimbo of course, who ends up with nothing and walks away from the whole situation. This is a really hard movie to parse in traditional terms. There is something really wonderful about the guy who does right just to do it, but at the same time being totally out of patience with the whole world. He doesn’t seem to like anyone, he seems to be all about the money, and yet he walks away with nothing but the knowledge of having taken the town out and the feeling of a job well done. Yeah, he walks the whole time. That’ll be important next week.
Walking away, and being more badass than any 20 characters played by Bruce, Clint, Arnold or Sly.
More walking next week. Stay Tuned.
Then Part Two
AND NOW... PART THREE!!!
This is known as a bad bungee experience
The Departed
The Departed is also full of them, you just have to work harder see it. One of them being the Scarface reference of and X showing up whenever someone is killed. There are a few others, but I’ll let you watch out for them yourself. That’s half the fun anyway. I prefer it when you happen to notice them, instead of having the movie elbow you in the side and as if you saw what they did there. The Departed of course being a movie filled people living double lives.
Does this pic scream "double life" to you? No? Me neither, but I couldn't find anything else I liked.
Speaking of double lives…
Found between two former lovers, Godfrey gets a bit nervous.
My Man Godfrey
In My Man Godfrey, William Powell leads a double life, but I won’t say how. This is probably my favorite screwball comedy I would have placed it higher on the list if not for the need to connect things. If I knew flash, I would just make this a 3D cloud with lines connecting the movies and then make the names bigger or smaller depending on where they sat in the ranking. But I don’t, so I can’t, so I won’t. Anyway, about Godfrey. He’s found in a shantytown placed in a junk yard, where no man has business actually living. We keep going back there to see other men living in a place where a man shouldn’t live.
At least they get new building material delivered on site.
There are other movies of people staying where they shouldn’t…
Dawn of the Dead
Another place where people shouldn’t have to live is in a shopping mall’s upper story like they do in Dawn of the Dead. There is a lot going on in Dawn, a lot of commentary and satire that I found missing from the remake. This version isn’t perfect, but the remake was a hollow shell of stereotypes by comparison. I really, really hated the remake. It was dull and annoying. However, THIS version is probably the best of the Dead series, so that’s something. The point is that instead of running off in a bus that was fitted to be a tank-bus (Really? Honestly?) the remaining heroes in this proper horror movie escape by chopper. Escaping by helicopter is very much the point here.
Again with the improper use of equipment.
Just like…
Quit singing "Suicide is Painless" Bob. It's just not funny.
Platoon
Where Charlie Sheen’s character gets away via chopper at the end of the movie. There is a certain horror element to this movie as well, but the shuddering shambling wrecks in this film are still actually men instead of zombies. I wonder if this movie counts as a “no women” film because while there are women that have lines, none of them are in English to my recollection. While things are bad for women in film, there are only a handful of movies that completely leave women out all together. I think this is one if you count non-English that isn’t translated as not speaking. Charlie Sheen’s character also writes endless letters to his grandmother, giving himself a narration to fill the dark spots of the story. The narration serves as a journal for the listening.
Dear Mom & Dad, camp is a little strange...
Where else do we find journal entries?
Oh I'd totally leave a kid with these guys, wouldn't you?
Kikujiro
In Kikujiro, there is a frame of a photo diary. Masao, shows us what he did on his vacation, but since he lives with his grandmother, it’s very likely he’s showing it to her. The movie is a bit episodic, but it’s not one of those films that you could re-edit into any order. The two main characters slowly grow closer together as we go along until the end. This is a little but of a strange movie, but it works for me and I’m delighted to pair it with the former choice. In the first section of the movie, the two travelers go gambling, betting on bike races.
My money's on the one in blue. I like the color blue. Favorite color.
Gabling as a story device? Who knew you could do such a thing in a movie?
Keep your eye on the ball gentlemen, eye on the ball. Yes, the one you can't see under the cup.
Fearless Hyena
Gambling gets Jackie Chan’s character into some problems in Fearless Hyena. That ultimately leads to the plot of him being a teacher who takes on all challengers, which then leads to the actual plot of revenge and emotional kung-fu. It’s the being a teacher that gets the attention of the bad guys, which leads to them killing his grandfather, which leads to the delicious revenge, which is cold… like gazpacho soup!
"My back is killing me." HA! It's funny cause he archs his back then dies. Get it? Ah, what'd you know about comedy?
Vengeance could take us anywhere, but let’s go to the most obvious place, kay?
Life altering tragedy in 3, 2, 1...
Batman
Batman of course also needs to avenge his dead parents. At least that’s his story. Let’s face it, Batman is a nut and was looking for an excuse. He’s just the ultimate emo basement dweller wearing eyeliner and putting his cutting record on LJ for all the other emo kids to read. And he wears a mask, because you gotta wear a mask to hide your identity and your fear man. Crap this guys is emo! I bet in later movies the daddy issues get really out of hand, he makes his voice all gravely, they action becomes unwatchable and a new highly over-rated Joker stuffs his girlfriend in a refrigerator. Anyway, Masks!
Oh hell, I don't know. Fill in your own caption, I've been looking at this shot for ten minutes and can't come up with anything.
Where else do we have masks?
He's standing right behind me, isn't he?
The Promise
There is a mask that hides identity in The Promise as well. Actually, it does more than that. The wacky misunderstanding of who exactly is behind the mask is a great deal of what drives the movie’s plot. I say plot, but really it’s a lot of scenes stitched together. It’s a fairly funny film, but it doesn’t really work. There is a lot of mythology mixed up in the story. The story is set in motion by characters from mythology showing up and being all wacky at the people. It’s quite and interesting movie, shame it’s really only useable as MST3K material.
Gonna be honest with you kid. I'm higher than you are right now, and you're seeing me. So consider how fucked up I am at this moment.
Mythology gets you into trouble if you don’t respect it.
I did warn you about crossing the streams.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Mythology comes and bites the disrespectful in the butt in Raiders of the Lost Ark as well. The Nazis got quite messed up at the end of that movie. Now, I could go almost anywhere from here, since Raiders has it all. Again, if I were doing a flat out numerical list, this wouldn’t be here. Raiders would be number two and we’d be talking about whips and dragging behind trucks and shooting the guy with the sword and all of that. However, we’re doing this by connection, so we go from the number two movie on my list to the number five entry. And of course, Indy ends up with nothing.
In the Maytag warehouse, that repair guy hides away one of the Maytags that didn't work. The secret must be kept!
Who else ends up with nothing?
He gives them all the gold so they can get away.
Yojimbo
The samurai in Yojimbo of course, who ends up with nothing and walks away from the whole situation. This is a really hard movie to parse in traditional terms. There is something really wonderful about the guy who does right just to do it, but at the same time being totally out of patience with the whole world. He doesn’t seem to like anyone, he seems to be all about the money, and yet he walks away with nothing but the knowledge of having taken the town out and the feeling of a job well done. Yeah, he walks the whole time. That’ll be important next week.
Walking away, and being more badass than any 20 characters played by Bruce, Clint, Arnold or Sly.
More walking next week. Stay Tuned.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)