Before we begin, we must define the chief term. What is a Unicorn? Put short, it’s a hot bi-babe who will join an established couple for sexy-fun times. The term is used derisively most the time because there are couples called Unicorn Hunters who are looking for a single bi/pan woman who will join them for sex, but not really be a full, paid-up member of the relationship. The joke being, those women are as rare as Unicorns. Unicorn Hunters usually aren't interested in the Unicorn as a person, but rather as, for want of a better term, a living sex toy.
The problem is, of course, that there are women who actually are looking for an established couple for fun times. The only problem I have with the whole thing is that the derisiveness tends to spill onto the unicorns themselves, which makes them feel like there's something wrong with looking for a couple for a multi-partner relationship. I don't even have a problem with the hunters, so long as what they're after is actually a relationship and not just a convenient three-way participant.
That’s hardly important to this conversation, but it’s important to understand the terms.
This is a talk about a journey, and an investigation into a character. As a writer of detective fiction, I always try to go over the ground and solve the case. In this case though, I’m the mystery and the solution is on the road. In order to move forward, we have to see where I’ve been. Enough of that intro crap! You want to know about the unicorns, so here we go...
UNICORN #1
I’ve talked about M before, but never in serious depth and never while examining the relationship we had together. Short version, M and I seduced each other and had sex while S watched. That’s the whole story of my virginity down the tubes in one sentence. I’m not even sure it’s accurate, to tell the truth, but that is SO not the story I came here to tell today. The story I want to tell, in brief is the story of a young lady that I was with once. Interesting point, this is the only one that’s going to be mentioned here that I actually had sex with. S and I both did and... there are some of the nicest memories I will ever have. M seduced and made love to S on our second three way, almost all our sex was group sex. That can make an impression on a young man, and leave him always wanting that, because that’s all he’s ever known. I’m just sayin’ is all...
That’s part of the issue though, we weren’t really a cohesive unit. This is before the days where polyamory was even a thing, so we had to make everything up as we went along. We liked having each other. M and I could, and sometimes did, fuck all night and with S about it got even more fun. However, as a relationship it worked less well. M was, and let’s be honest here, broken. Her parents broke her, a lot of her friends used her, and she probably wasn’t wired up right in the first place. I used her too, even though I loved her. I wasn’t as good to her as I could have been, and that’s all there is about it. She equated sex with love and the other way around. If you loved her, you would have sex with her. If you didn’t have sex with her, how could you say you loved her? I had the sex with her, and now I look back on that as the band-aid to her emotional turmoil that it was. I think we both enjoyed it, but how can I be really sure? Looking back nearly 20 years makes it difficult.
There was also... okay, so at one point I suggested that the three of us should like, make it official. That we were girlfriend and boyfriend and girlfriend. Just let people know about it. And that’s where she got scared and pulled away. If I have to tell you that these are just my impressions and that I don’t know everything that every single person thought or was going through, then just fuck off. Of course I know that, I never speak for anyone but myself and sometimes Fancy. Point is, even allowing the idea of her dating other people, I was ready for commitment and she wasn’t and she was soon gone from our lives. That was sad, and it hurt, but it happened. I’ll never really know all of it, and maybe someday I should, but we’re covering old ground here, not re-treading it. There were problem days there too, and I wouldn’t want to open some of those wounds again.
What it really comes to is, I used her for sexual gratification, and I think she used me for emotional support. I can do emotional, I can cradle a crying woman okay. I can stroke your hair and make cooing noises and let you just cry out into my chest. After that, we can talk about the problem, and I’ll understand. After that, I will seduce you and we’ll fuck ourselves into a coma.
UNICORN #2
P was less stable than M, and I’m not sure what she wanted. Okay, she wanted me, but... would she have just taken anyone? I met her through M, and that was a problem to begin with. M was sort of interested in P, and sort of not. I was never sure of how they stood, but I do know that on at least one occasion they showered together. That’s not as definitive as it sounds, M would use showers as foreplay sometimes.
P was way into me though, and in a way that made me uncomfortable. However, I was too young to shake off a little hottie who wanted to make out and press her flesh against me. Scoundrel! The gentleman part comes later. I don’t know if she was just completely ignoring S, or that S was REALLY not interested in P, but they never clicked. I was kind of into myself at that time, so it’s hard to say much about anything. I never actually consummated with P though, because my better judgment got the better of me. I didn’t say nothing happened however, and that’s what’s bugging me. I did use this young woman, allowing her to perform an act upon my person, and at the end she felt used. I’m sorry about that, because I now see that activity for the desperation play it was. If she threw herself at a prince hard enough, if she could bring herself to swallow, then the prince would have to catch her and take her away with him to his castle in the sky.
At the time, it seemed fine. She made the offer, I made asked if she was sure, she agreed that she was. I did things to her too, so I’d felt good about orgasms all ‘round. Okay, so then it’s fine right? No. It’s not. Because I wasn’t invested in her, I just used her for gratification. I had a habit in my younger days of pretty much doing whatever I wanted with a girl, and the girls had a habit of letting me. I will say that I pretty much avoided creeper-hood by the simple expedient of shrugging and finding the next girl. If this girl didn’t want to do something, the next one probably would. That’s not the point here. The point is that I allowed something to happen, using an understanding that didn’t actually exist. I feel worst about P, even though almost nothing happened between us and she wasn’t in my life very long. She’s the one I just used and never even tried to make right. She wanted something that I couldn’t give her, and was truly broken, so broken you could see the slipping cogs when you looked into her eyes.
UNICORN #3
C was an older woman, about twice my age when we first met. So I was twenty-one being pursued by a 42 year old. C wanted to be with both me and S, and couldn’t understand S’s reluctance. She even told me that she thought it would be just awesome if S and I could be just her little enclave on the side. That we could meet up for NSA sex, have a good time together, so on. I tried to form something like a relationship, which even went so far as breaking down and letting her perform an act upon my person. At that point it was sort of “Okay, fine, if I let you blow me will you relax and act like a person?” Short answer, no. She could never relax enough to allow me to try and just ease into anything. And she wanted a package, she wanted to have both S and myself. As that wasn’t going to happen, I abandoned the situation and did my best not to make her feel bad.
I learned a lot from C though. It was from her that I first heard the term Polyamory, and she loaned me The Ethical Slut and a half dozen other books. I read through them, learned more by talking to people, and took another step forward. I feel least bad about C, because she was old enough to know what she was getting into. The problem there is, a little voice in the back of my mind says “But did she?” and then I don’t know. I’ve got P and C linked in my head because they both look the same to me now. Two desperate women, hoping that if they gave the best blow job every, if they swallowed it all down, maybe I would love them.
And that just wasn’t going to happen. Like I said, I wasn’t even aware enough to think that was part of the deal. I knew something was up, because the situation didn’t conclude the way I thought it should, but I didn’t know what the problem was. It took a long time for me to work out that there was this bargaining going on, and that I was basically refusing to fulfill my part of it. I feel sort of bad about that now, because there were a fair few women who were willing to perform acts without looking for a bargain. I didn’t need to be their new boyfriend, or to save them, or to do whatever impossibly noble thing their idealism had cooked up for me.
UNICORN #4
So this should be like 4A and 4B, but I’m not going to do that. I’m just going to explain the situation and you can try to follow along. So then we have J and her girlfriend. Oh how they wanted to seduce me. I take this situation as a mark of growing maturity that when I realized what the cuddling and flirting was leading to, I abandoned the situation. I didn’t want to get involved with these two, for various reasons, and I stepped away rather than spend the night between them. That was completely and utterly the offer, anything I wanted from them, any way I wanted them. Which... I still kick myself sometimes. These were two beautiful, incredibly desirable young women and I wouldn’t even be taking advantage, right? Not even plucking fruit, just taking that which was offered to me?
Yeah, so I said no and beat a hasty retreat. I just walked away. That was the right thing to do... right?
UNICORN #5
A friend of a friend. She was very, very into the idea of me. She once brought Altoids to a group meeting, for the sole purpose of telling me she had them, and that they make for the best blowjobs. And here is where I get exhausted. I’m a good looking guy, I had two girlfriends at the time, so this was cool right? I mean, I’m a poly guy, and she was a anything-goes girl, so why did I feel like running away from her? I didn’t run, because I fear no woman, and she *was* cute.
This is where the attention thing started to get to me though. She would pay attention to me most, when another friend was around. Turns out, he’d turned her down on the grounds that he didn’t want her that way. So she was now showing him the kind of doting attention he could have had. It wasn’t about me, it wasn’t even about an idea of me, it was any male. Or maybe not, because she also hit on me when he wasn’t around. It was, in fact, when he wasn’t around that she brought up the idea of joining in my little household. She mentioned a friend that we could go have a three way with, asked if both my girlfriends were bi-sexual, would I like a fourway, that sort of thing. She said it like a joke, so I could take it whatever way I wanted.
Now a days, I wonder if she was just sort of into me and didn’t know how to phrase it. She wasn’t a really good dating prospect, but it might have been nice. That’s the only one I get a little regretful about. See, this is where I have a problem. I always sort of flirt, but I never can tell if a woman is flirting back. I was telling a friend about this and said something like “I don’t assume just because she isn’t macing me and is laughing at my jokes that she wants to go to bed with me.” And to her credit, by friend said “Well, you wouldn’t, you’re not a creeper.” So I’ve got that going for me. So ladies, if you want to have something with me, you’ve got to tell me in less archaic terms than red socks.
UNICORN #6
By the time I’d met T, I knew about terms like Unicorn. T was into it, she wanted to volunteer. I told her what a unicorn was and she said that sounded awesome to her. She also hinted at the idea of being with me and S and H, telling me they were cute and stuff. One night while talking, she actually came right out and said “I want to live like you guys. I want what you have. I would love to be with you three.” Aaaaand, okay look... I was into the idea but something was off. My main feeling was that she didn’t want ME so much as the idea of group loving appealed to her and I was good looking and supposed to be available. Ah, there we have a problem. I’m poly, and a man, so I’m available, right? Poly guys are always ready to have a hot chick hop on their dicks, right? But what if she doesn’t really want THIS guy, but any guy? Not THIS situation, but any situation?
Then again, what if she really was just into me? In that case, she was also broken. I had learned by this point not to stick my dick in the crazy, so I didn’t. Again, I just sort of walked away. And again, I feel like this is where the scoundrelry comes in. I didn’t explain, I just sort of lost her number. She thought that she’d screwed up with me somehow anyway and only made a half hearted attempt to connect. I let her go, without really trying to do anything.
And that’s where we leave for today. With being a sort of jerk who spent most of his 20s using women who let him use them. Not cruelly mind, and never forcibly. I would only take what was offered freely, but I would take all there was. That’s where we get the gentleman part, I guess. I’m always charming and gentlemanly, but I’m also a full blown scoundrel. If that’s what you’re into, we’re taking applications for a new partner in crime. Please have a working understanding of chicanery and the details of a crime you’d like to partner in. Fencers preferred, please bring your own cane sword.
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