I just can’t get enthusiastic about the new Star Trek movie. I’m not troubled by the lack of continuity that I’ve heard about or the changes in characters or even that everyone seems to have been sent away from the WB for being just too damn pretty. I’m a little bothered by the fact that they want be to believe that Kirk, Spock, McCoy et al. spent their entire careers serving together on one ship, but that’s not even it.
My problem is the problem I have with the new Terminator movie, the new Wolverine movie, and all these attempts to extend the franchise a little further by stretching it back. I have a single problem with all these prequels, and it’s that I don’t need to see every second of every character’s life.
I don’t need to feel like I watched Anakin raised from a sprout up into the Black Knight that was always a sort of vague threat and never a fully formed character in my mind. He was always just the black knight with the evil army and sorcerer overlord. A black knight that get his arms and legs cut of and yet still continues to fight against the quasi Arthurian figure until the bitter end no less. Next time you watch Revenge of the Sith, try not to hear Anakin shouting "Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!" after Kenobi leaves him by the lava stream.
There is a reason for back-story. It fleshes out the character, gives them a reason for acting the way they do, and gives a sense of history that rounds things out nicely. You can’t, or at least shouldn’t, try to tell a story with out knowing at least a little of the back-story. It’s important stuff for the writer, director, and performer to know about. Sometimes it’s important for the audience to know about bits of that too. How else would we understand Kyle Reese’s motivations if we didn’t know about how much he respected and admired John Connor?
However, usually a story starts where is does because that’s the bit that’s interesting. Back-story is rarely all that interesting to see and the recent spate of prequels have greatly justified that position. That’s not to say it’s been all bad, but for the most part it has been unsatisfying.
At least it has for me, don’t know about you.
So I’m not that interested in yet another damn prequel. I suppose I’ll have to go, thereby justifying another movie, which I’ll also be asked to go see because it’s part of a beloved franchise and even if I thought the last four things from this franchise were complete and total garbage I’m supposed to get excited because it’s “Kirk and Spock, together again… for the first time!” Or some bullshit.
It might be good, it might even be great, but just right now I can’t bring myself to care.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Another Grab Bag
So after my last adventure with a Grab Bag, I’m giving it another go. This time we’re going with BudK’s $50 grab bag, which promises a $100 value. I’m a little annoyed today, because of some things that happened here. I’m only stating that because it’s connected with buying things and spending of monies and accounting and things like that and… it might have tempered my review. I don’t know, we’ll see. I’ll say at the outset that I wasn’t elated at what I found when I opened the box.
This is the box.
Okay, so it’s a $50 box and I knew that when we ordered. I also knew what the value would be when I ordered. $100, that’s going to be the total value of the contents. First thing I see upon opening is a catalogue they sent me two weeks ago. Okay, no problem, they’re a mail order company and it’s part of the deal. I should stop being so fatuitous, but you’ll see in a moment why I am feeling this way. I am perfectly willing to admit I wasn’t feeling my best when it arrived, but it didn’t lift my spirits either.
So what do we get when we pull aside the brown paper and get to the meat of the box?
A plastic grocery bag…
Ooooo-kay
Still, let’s not be shitheels about this, let’s do it right! Professionalism and stuff.
Hmmm…
I can’t help but feel these are meager pickings. I just know some of these things aren’t going to be on the website. That’s going to make the value of the box hard to decide. Well, let’s see what we can do.
Okay, firs thing out of the gate has me troubled.
This clock isn’t on the website, not that I have trouble imagining why.
You may notice the pixilation of the art on the clock face, you might also notice there isn’t pixilation in other places on the photo. That’s because the clock face has a badly done art. Someone did not love and baby the art on this clock. I can’t actually find information about this company.
The clock is supposed to be from The Alchemy Guild, it's Copyrighted 2006 by Alchemy Carta and under license by Urban Station, but the trail grows cold after that.
I'm pretty sure I've got the right website, but I can't find this clock anywhere. Further investigation leads me to the Alchemy Gothic Art Library where you can get art for your products. Looking through it I've found the art, it seems to be called The Green Skull. So now we know where the art came from. Still not a single step closer to guessing the price though. This is a battery-operated clock, so I’m going to guess. I went to Amazon and found a twin bell battery-operated clock and since it says it costs $10 I’m going to go with that. I might see my way up to $15 in a pinch.
I have now done 5 times as much research as this thing deserved. I mean, it’s probably going to wind up being mailed to some poor unsuspecting soul. It’s kind of mean when you think about it.
Oh, how nice. An ugly, large, possibly pewter, skull, pendant… thing.
OOO, even better! TWO OF THEM!
Again, no information on the BudK Site, but I am hopeful. There is a sticker on one that says $9.00 and a sticker on the other that says Young Zone Jewelry. So maybe if we look around we can find something, yes? NO! They’re a wholesaler and I can’t find anything like the code sequence on the site. I’m not willing to look forever, so I’m taking the $9 each as their price. That gets us up to $30 I guess.
Again, about 10 times more research than these fugly things deserved. Again, I’m just going to send them to someone who won’t deserve them, not for all their sins.
WHAT’S NEXT?
Little, tiny, ickle knives! Hmm, it claims these are for the ultimate collector. I assume the ultimate collector of knives since by its very definition there could only be one ultimate knife and thus it would be impossible to have a collection. Actually it just says ultimate collector, so someone who collectes everything? Am I the ultimate collector? Surely not! So, legally, is it okay for me to have these? I’m not the ultimate collector, and yet I’ve got these knives. Should I try to figure out who this Ultimate Collector is and send them to him? Is it Galactus? It's Galactus isn't it? I’m beginning to sense I’ve milked that joke for all it’s worth now.
So what about these little knives? Well look at them and notice the magic.
Hmm, Stars.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Tilt the other way and you (Sort of) get stripes!
And then back to stars again!
So, yeah, tilt change pictures that suggest the US Flag without actually being the flag. I always find things like this mildly offensive. I’m not into Flag Cult things. The flag belongs on flagpoles, the shoulders of public servants, the side of service vehicles and not much else. Most places where I see it used, like here, actually feel disrespectful of both the flag and the people who fought and died for it. Flag fetishism always seems to be sort of desecrating the flag to me. It’s so over used that it fails to have much meaning to me to be honest. And the effect doesn’t even work that well. If you’re going to fap at the flag you could atleast fap more effectively than this. If you’re going to have flag wank, have GOOD FLAG WANK DAMNIT! How much would you pay? Well, The web site once again refuses to help. Searching and looking and hunting down part numbers (why am I taking this much trouble for these things? Seriously, they are destined for a padded envelope!) brought me to this web site where I found them. The third item down is… USA Flag Mini Hologram Knife which is in a half dozen blister pack for the princely sum of $6.95! So now we know. If you’re keeping track that puts us up to $36.95
NEXT!
Okay the box says its from Rigid Knives, but it looks a lot like something from a Ridge Runner set I bought last year for VEWPRF and broke up to give to multiple people. So how to judge what just one of these should cost? Just breaking the pack up and saying it cost $3 wouldn’t be right, because they wouldn’t charge that for just one. Magic of these packs is that you pay less for getting more knives. Rigid, like Tomahwak, is actually another company that either works with or under Untied Cutlery, but that doesn’t help much. The closest I can come is this Rigid Foreman Work Knife, but they claim $13 and that seems over reaching at best. Besides, the design is all wrong. Screw it, I’m going to say $5 and be done with it. No, wait! $5.95, that sounds more official. $42.90 so far.
Holly consented to keep this around, she has one sort of like it. Part of that set I mentioned before, and putting them together you can see the major differences between companies.
What do we have after that?
Well!
Um…
IT HAS DEER ON IT! You take your claims where you can find them. Another deadend as far as finding this knife goes. Outdoor Life is a knife company though, so that’s something, right? Most their knives sell under the $10 mark, going for about $7 as far as I can see and most of them are nicer than this one.
American Outdoor Series is no help when looking. Ohhh, wait, don’t give up just yet. I found one on Ebay! Heeeey! I didn’t get a camo case! Why does he get a camo case? And why does he get to claim $18.95 when I was going to peg it at $5? Clearly, it’s all about the camo case. Now I wish I had a camo case. Okay, we’ll meet this one in the middle and call it $12.95 because I feel funky. $55.85 so far kids!
Holly wants a flat knife to keep in her pocket, she’ll take this one until I can find something that doesn’t have deer on it.
A big honking folder from what I believe is one of BudK’s internal brands. Timber Wolf is not a brand I would want to bet my life on, but I know of no reason why you shouldn’t buy them. Let’s open this massive mother up and see what we’ve got.
A saw! That’s pretty clever actually. A nice little travel saw, not bad. Now for the ultimate test though, can I find this silly thing at the website?
>Wait
Time passes.
BudK’s website is very slow
>Wait
Time passes.
No, I can’t find it at the website. I’m beginning to suspect they’re doing this to me deliberately. Well, I have a catalogue (supplied with the box) so maybe I can find it there.
>Wait
Time passes.
Huh, not there either. Ah, but I found one elsewhere! $9.95! Which brings us to $68.80 so far.
We’ll probably keep this for cutting down trees in the early winter. It’ll be better than using a little hacksaw anyway.
Okay this next one is a Cold Steel knife.
They must have this one, right? Right? HEY! They DO! How about that?
Costs $22.99, bringing us up to $91.79. Mostly because Cold Steel is a quality item and so it’s probably really worth that. I’d have never bought it myself, but it’s bound to be a good solid knife. So we’ve got that going for us. I’ll probably keep it.
Now this last one was the first I looked up.
As you can see the metal tin looks just like the paper sleeve.
It's called a Tiny Trapper and this is the closest I could come to finding something like it on the web site. The main page says it’s on sale for $28.96, which would bring us to $120.75 if I’ve calculated correctly.
I wasn’t quite through yet though. Not quite yet.
I went to the Case web site...
And I STILL can’t find the bastard!
Seriously! What the pfuck?
I am discouraged.
I have been beaten.
I don’t mind telling you guys, I feel like I’ve been licked. They win. I give up.
I don’t feel cheated, I know I probably got my money’s worth, but I can’t help but feel I should have gotten another box from Swords of Might with the $50 I shouldn’t have been spending anyway. I think Syd said it best when she commented that, “We just would never ever have bought any of this stuff on our own.” I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have bought the Case knife at some point. I’ve heard they are very good knives and I was interested in getting one to see if they lived up. Considering I brushed the Case knife and managed to give myself a little cut, I find that a semi encouraging sign. It’s sharp at any rate.
Still… I feel sort of let down by the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, that was my big splurge for the next month or two. If anyone wants to get me an Archie McPhee Surprise Bag or Mystery Box so I can track that and give a full report that would be awesome, but I’m not expecting it or anything.
UPDATE!
HEY! I found the case knife! C. Platts' Sons Tiny Trapper Knife $37.95! So... yeah. Something found.
This is the box.
Okay, so it’s a $50 box and I knew that when we ordered. I also knew what the value would be when I ordered. $100, that’s going to be the total value of the contents. First thing I see upon opening is a catalogue they sent me two weeks ago. Okay, no problem, they’re a mail order company and it’s part of the deal. I should stop being so fatuitous, but you’ll see in a moment why I am feeling this way. I am perfectly willing to admit I wasn’t feeling my best when it arrived, but it didn’t lift my spirits either.
So what do we get when we pull aside the brown paper and get to the meat of the box?
A plastic grocery bag…
Ooooo-kay
Still, let’s not be shitheels about this, let’s do it right! Professionalism and stuff.
Hmmm…
I can’t help but feel these are meager pickings. I just know some of these things aren’t going to be on the website. That’s going to make the value of the box hard to decide. Well, let’s see what we can do.
Okay, firs thing out of the gate has me troubled.
This clock isn’t on the website, not that I have trouble imagining why.
You may notice the pixilation of the art on the clock face, you might also notice there isn’t pixilation in other places on the photo. That’s because the clock face has a badly done art. Someone did not love and baby the art on this clock. I can’t actually find information about this company.
The clock is supposed to be from The Alchemy Guild, it's Copyrighted 2006 by Alchemy Carta and under license by Urban Station, but the trail grows cold after that.
I'm pretty sure I've got the right website, but I can't find this clock anywhere. Further investigation leads me to the Alchemy Gothic Art Library where you can get art for your products. Looking through it I've found the art, it seems to be called The Green Skull. So now we know where the art came from. Still not a single step closer to guessing the price though. This is a battery-operated clock, so I’m going to guess. I went to Amazon and found a twin bell battery-operated clock and since it says it costs $10 I’m going to go with that. I might see my way up to $15 in a pinch.
I have now done 5 times as much research as this thing deserved. I mean, it’s probably going to wind up being mailed to some poor unsuspecting soul. It’s kind of mean when you think about it.
Oh, how nice. An ugly, large, possibly pewter, skull, pendant… thing.
OOO, even better! TWO OF THEM!
Again, no information on the BudK Site, but I am hopeful. There is a sticker on one that says $9.00 and a sticker on the other that says Young Zone Jewelry. So maybe if we look around we can find something, yes? NO! They’re a wholesaler and I can’t find anything like the code sequence on the site. I’m not willing to look forever, so I’m taking the $9 each as their price. That gets us up to $30 I guess.
Again, about 10 times more research than these fugly things deserved. Again, I’m just going to send them to someone who won’t deserve them, not for all their sins.
WHAT’S NEXT?
Little, tiny, ickle knives! Hmm, it claims these are for the ultimate collector. I assume the ultimate collector of knives since by its very definition there could only be one ultimate knife and thus it would be impossible to have a collection. Actually it just says ultimate collector, so someone who collectes everything? Am I the ultimate collector? Surely not! So, legally, is it okay for me to have these? I’m not the ultimate collector, and yet I’ve got these knives. Should I try to figure out who this Ultimate Collector is and send them to him? Is it Galactus? It's Galactus isn't it? I’m beginning to sense I’ve milked that joke for all it’s worth now.
So what about these little knives? Well look at them and notice the magic.
Hmm, Stars.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Tilt the other way and you (Sort of) get stripes!
And then back to stars again!
So, yeah, tilt change pictures that suggest the US Flag without actually being the flag. I always find things like this mildly offensive. I’m not into Flag Cult things. The flag belongs on flagpoles, the shoulders of public servants, the side of service vehicles and not much else. Most places where I see it used, like here, actually feel disrespectful of both the flag and the people who fought and died for it. Flag fetishism always seems to be sort of desecrating the flag to me. It’s so over used that it fails to have much meaning to me to be honest. And the effect doesn’t even work that well. If you’re going to fap at the flag you could atleast fap more effectively than this. If you’re going to have flag wank, have GOOD FLAG WANK DAMNIT! How much would you pay? Well, The web site once again refuses to help. Searching and looking and hunting down part numbers (why am I taking this much trouble for these things? Seriously, they are destined for a padded envelope!) brought me to this web site where I found them. The third item down is… USA Flag Mini Hologram Knife which is in a half dozen blister pack for the princely sum of $6.95! So now we know. If you’re keeping track that puts us up to $36.95
NEXT!
Okay the box says its from Rigid Knives, but it looks a lot like something from a Ridge Runner set I bought last year for VEWPRF and broke up to give to multiple people. So how to judge what just one of these should cost? Just breaking the pack up and saying it cost $3 wouldn’t be right, because they wouldn’t charge that for just one. Magic of these packs is that you pay less for getting more knives. Rigid, like Tomahwak, is actually another company that either works with or under Untied Cutlery, but that doesn’t help much. The closest I can come is this Rigid Foreman Work Knife, but they claim $13 and that seems over reaching at best. Besides, the design is all wrong. Screw it, I’m going to say $5 and be done with it. No, wait! $5.95, that sounds more official. $42.90 so far.
Holly consented to keep this around, she has one sort of like it. Part of that set I mentioned before, and putting them together you can see the major differences between companies.
What do we have after that?
Well!
Um…
IT HAS DEER ON IT! You take your claims where you can find them. Another deadend as far as finding this knife goes. Outdoor Life is a knife company though, so that’s something, right? Most their knives sell under the $10 mark, going for about $7 as far as I can see and most of them are nicer than this one.
American Outdoor Series is no help when looking. Ohhh, wait, don’t give up just yet. I found one on Ebay! Heeeey! I didn’t get a camo case! Why does he get a camo case? And why does he get to claim $18.95 when I was going to peg it at $5? Clearly, it’s all about the camo case. Now I wish I had a camo case. Okay, we’ll meet this one in the middle and call it $12.95 because I feel funky. $55.85 so far kids!
Holly wants a flat knife to keep in her pocket, she’ll take this one until I can find something that doesn’t have deer on it.
A big honking folder from what I believe is one of BudK’s internal brands. Timber Wolf is not a brand I would want to bet my life on, but I know of no reason why you shouldn’t buy them. Let’s open this massive mother up and see what we’ve got.
A saw! That’s pretty clever actually. A nice little travel saw, not bad. Now for the ultimate test though, can I find this silly thing at the website?
>Wait
Time passes.
BudK’s website is very slow
>Wait
Time passes.
No, I can’t find it at the website. I’m beginning to suspect they’re doing this to me deliberately. Well, I have a catalogue (supplied with the box) so maybe I can find it there.
>Wait
Time passes.
Huh, not there either. Ah, but I found one elsewhere! $9.95! Which brings us to $68.80 so far.
We’ll probably keep this for cutting down trees in the early winter. It’ll be better than using a little hacksaw anyway.
Okay this next one is a Cold Steel knife.
They must have this one, right? Right? HEY! They DO! How about that?
Costs $22.99, bringing us up to $91.79. Mostly because Cold Steel is a quality item and so it’s probably really worth that. I’d have never bought it myself, but it’s bound to be a good solid knife. So we’ve got that going for us. I’ll probably keep it.
Now this last one was the first I looked up.
As you can see the metal tin looks just like the paper sleeve.
It's called a Tiny Trapper and this is the closest I could come to finding something like it on the web site. The main page says it’s on sale for $28.96, which would bring us to $120.75 if I’ve calculated correctly.
I wasn’t quite through yet though. Not quite yet.
I went to the Case web site...
And I STILL can’t find the bastard!
Seriously! What the pfuck?
I am discouraged.
I have been beaten.
I don’t mind telling you guys, I feel like I’ve been licked. They win. I give up.
I don’t feel cheated, I know I probably got my money’s worth, but I can’t help but feel I should have gotten another box from Swords of Might with the $50 I shouldn’t have been spending anyway. I think Syd said it best when she commented that, “We just would never ever have bought any of this stuff on our own.” I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have bought the Case knife at some point. I’ve heard they are very good knives and I was interested in getting one to see if they lived up. Considering I brushed the Case knife and managed to give myself a little cut, I find that a semi encouraging sign. It’s sharp at any rate.
Still… I feel sort of let down by the whole ordeal. Unfortunately, that was my big splurge for the next month or two. If anyone wants to get me an Archie McPhee Surprise Bag or Mystery Box so I can track that and give a full report that would be awesome, but I’m not expecting it or anything.
UPDATE!
HEY! I found the case knife! C. Platts' Sons Tiny Trapper Knife $37.95! So... yeah. Something found.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
In wich Weirdo discovers stuff that's been around for sometime.
I started poking around History Channel Web site because I was told I could watch full episodes of Jurassic Fight Club on the site. Dumb name, good show, but they will insist on being VERY American in places (look guys, not EVERYTHING has to end in a death, real animals run away when they're injured) and some of the footage and points about dinos get repeated a few times more than I think necessary. However, I'm thinking of buying it because it's good enough for when I get in a Dino-Documentary mood. I got interested in JFC after reading a review on a DVD site since the first season has just come out on disc and Holly mentioned that they've got full episodes of a lot oft heir shows on the website now.
Well, that got me bouncing around to see what other streaming shows and stuff are out there, because I have NO idea what's on. So I decided to check out Hulu, found one of those IMAX movies you used to get at science centers... and seriously, I didn't know it was an IMAX movie when I started it, but like 15 seconds in I decided it must be from the way they were using the camera and stuff and guess what? Cosmic Voyage is an IMAX movie... which means I've seen so many of those things I can recognize the cinematography tricks they use to try and justify the hugeness of the format. I feel like I should be a little ashamed about that, like it admits the number of times I’ve gone to the science center just so I could go watch the movie or the fact that I have a bunch of them on DVD.
Anyway, this led me to the interesting discovery that Koyaanisqatsi is on Hulu. You can watch Koyaanisqatsi online! Now we just have to answer the musical question "Why would you want to?"
Actually, I've even gone so far as to write a review for the movie so you know I've watched it a couple of times... late at night... on my own.
Make of that what you will, I tend to watch Silent Running that way too.
Well, that got me bouncing around to see what other streaming shows and stuff are out there, because I have NO idea what's on. So I decided to check out Hulu, found one of those IMAX movies you used to get at science centers... and seriously, I didn't know it was an IMAX movie when I started it, but like 15 seconds in I decided it must be from the way they were using the camera and stuff and guess what? Cosmic Voyage is an IMAX movie... which means I've seen so many of those things I can recognize the cinematography tricks they use to try and justify the hugeness of the format. I feel like I should be a little ashamed about that, like it admits the number of times I’ve gone to the science center just so I could go watch the movie or the fact that I have a bunch of them on DVD.
Anyway, this led me to the interesting discovery that Koyaanisqatsi is on Hulu. You can watch Koyaanisqatsi online! Now we just have to answer the musical question "Why would you want to?"
Actually, I've even gone so far as to write a review for the movie so you know I've watched it a couple of times... late at night... on my own.
Make of that what you will, I tend to watch Silent Running that way too.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Shallow Thoughts: Star Wars
I wonder if in about 10 years, when the kids who grew up with the Star Wars prequels hit their 20s, if we aren't going to see another reversal on George Lucas. Maybe when they aren't viewed from the stance of nostalgia the kids will come to the conclusion that these movies aren’t really that bad. They don’t succeed in doing what they set out to do maybe, but that they are a good visual treat at least.
I suppose they’ll say that much of the hatred for the maligned trilogy comes down to the fans who weren’t transported back to their childhood. They might even claim that this expectation was a feat too great for even the mightyQuinn Lucas to perform. You’ve got to remember these will be kids who are about ten now and will be rebellious and irritated at all us old folk in that day.
Really I wonder how not having an expectation will effect their judgment of the end product. In ten years, will the compass come full circle causing everyone to just decide that George Lucas was a visionary ahead of his time again? Will Jar Jar Binks be seen as some perfect pre-post-post-camp icon?
Will anyone even be discussing it? Maybe what’ll end up happening is that even the prequels will be considered too much of their parent’s thing and they’ll ignore it completely, opting instead to complain about how Sponge Bob the Next Generation craps all over the original.
I suppose they’ll say that much of the hatred for the maligned trilogy comes down to the fans who weren’t transported back to their childhood. They might even claim that this expectation was a feat too great for even the mighty
Really I wonder how not having an expectation will effect their judgment of the end product. In ten years, will the compass come full circle causing everyone to just decide that George Lucas was a visionary ahead of his time again? Will Jar Jar Binks be seen as some perfect pre-post-post-camp icon?
Will anyone even be discussing it? Maybe what’ll end up happening is that even the prequels will be considered too much of their parent’s thing and they’ll ignore it completely, opting instead to complain about how Sponge Bob the Next Generation craps all over the original.
Adventures in Dining (Or, why I never leave the house)
So my hands hurt so bad this weekend I had trouble holding a knife and fork to eat dinner with. Weather, a flair up, I don’t know. I’ve had pain before, but never this bad. It wasn’t just the hands of course. My shoulder, elbows and knee also all got their licks in as well, but my hands have really been the ones giving me a ride this week. You can limp if your knee hurts. You can not lift your arm above your head if your shoulder is bugging you. You can avoid having to reach out to get something so your elbow won’t bend into one of the painful positions. You can do that and cope, but what the fuck do you do when holding a fork is agony? What do you do when the idea of trying to cook something is literally laughable? Well, you go out for dinner and try not to show how much it hurts trying to manipulate the tools of eating.
On the bright side, I had a terrible meal at an overly expensive hippie restaurant on Saturday. It’s good that when my hands hurt so much I can barely hold a fork and knife I’m given a dry lump of what is supposed to be superior organic chicken which turned out to be a dull and lifeless as anything from one of Tyson’s farms. It’s good because I already hated this place upon sitting down and there wasn’t a single point of positive re-enforcement for me to have even a momentary inkling of good feelings about the experience besides our waitress being kind of cute.
I might have handled it if the place hadn’t been so intolerably pleased with itself for adhering to every hip neo hippy bullshit trend in the book. If you’re going to be all smug about how environmentally friendly your restaurant is, you need to have good food. Work on the fucking fundamentals and deliver a lecture (Delivered in flipbook form on each and every table) once you can cook something. Seriously, a $23 piece of chicken shouldn’t be more flavorless than something I can get at Boston Market. I don’t care if you grew the herbs in your own greenhouse that works on heat exchanges or that you don’t think bamboo isn’t a wood (yes it fucking is, it just isn’t a tree) if you’re food is shit I will never come back. Work on your fucking fundamentals you hippie piece of shit! After you’ve proven you can do your job, then and only then can you try to tell me what kind of light bulb to have in my house.
To continue the trend…
I also had a lousy meal today at Applebee’s, so that’s nice too. It’s good that no matter where I go I’m served substandard food that I wouldn’t give to the cats. You have to accentuate the positive. Consistency is an oft looked for virtue, right? If all the places are serving the sort of food I wouldn’t give to the cats then as a collective the restaurant industry has finally achieved a mean state of shitiness and having reached the ultimate level of entropy the standards won’t actually slip any further having gone as far as they can.
We’ve hit the heat death of the restaurant industry, and that’s nice. It’s nice to know we’ve accomplished something today. I’m just glad to have witnessed something, even if it’s the end of my lingering faith in America to cook a fucking piece of animal carcass. It’s appropriate that no more heat can move between objects, since it has reached a mean temperature, since I assume it will mean all the steaks will also be cold. I hope they all fail, fuck ‘em one and all.
The one meal I’ve had that I didn’t make that was in anyway good was a flame-broiled hamburger from Burger King. Yeah, that’s the only thing that was good. I made steamed and deep fried won tons when we got home though so I have eaten something worth eating today. My hands chilled out on the pain for long enough for me do that.
So I have won tons. I made them. I have steamed and deep fried won tons, they are yummy. You can’t have any, because you aren’t here. If you were here, I’d give you one.
On the bright side, I had a terrible meal at an overly expensive hippie restaurant on Saturday. It’s good that when my hands hurt so much I can barely hold a fork and knife I’m given a dry lump of what is supposed to be superior organic chicken which turned out to be a dull and lifeless as anything from one of Tyson’s farms. It’s good because I already hated this place upon sitting down and there wasn’t a single point of positive re-enforcement for me to have even a momentary inkling of good feelings about the experience besides our waitress being kind of cute.
I might have handled it if the place hadn’t been so intolerably pleased with itself for adhering to every hip neo hippy bullshit trend in the book. If you’re going to be all smug about how environmentally friendly your restaurant is, you need to have good food. Work on the fucking fundamentals and deliver a lecture (Delivered in flipbook form on each and every table) once you can cook something. Seriously, a $23 piece of chicken shouldn’t be more flavorless than something I can get at Boston Market. I don’t care if you grew the herbs in your own greenhouse that works on heat exchanges or that you don’t think bamboo isn’t a wood (yes it fucking is, it just isn’t a tree) if you’re food is shit I will never come back. Work on your fucking fundamentals you hippie piece of shit! After you’ve proven you can do your job, then and only then can you try to tell me what kind of light bulb to have in my house.
To continue the trend…
I also had a lousy meal today at Applebee’s, so that’s nice too. It’s good that no matter where I go I’m served substandard food that I wouldn’t give to the cats. You have to accentuate the positive. Consistency is an oft looked for virtue, right? If all the places are serving the sort of food I wouldn’t give to the cats then as a collective the restaurant industry has finally achieved a mean state of shitiness and having reached the ultimate level of entropy the standards won’t actually slip any further having gone as far as they can.
We’ve hit the heat death of the restaurant industry, and that’s nice. It’s nice to know we’ve accomplished something today. I’m just glad to have witnessed something, even if it’s the end of my lingering faith in America to cook a fucking piece of animal carcass. It’s appropriate that no more heat can move between objects, since it has reached a mean temperature, since I assume it will mean all the steaks will also be cold. I hope they all fail, fuck ‘em one and all.
The one meal I’ve had that I didn’t make that was in anyway good was a flame-broiled hamburger from Burger King. Yeah, that’s the only thing that was good. I made steamed and deep fried won tons when we got home though so I have eaten something worth eating today. My hands chilled out on the pain for long enough for me do that.
So I have won tons. I made them. I have steamed and deep fried won tons, they are yummy. You can’t have any, because you aren’t here. If you were here, I’d give you one.
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